Imagination

"...A wayfinder's Imagination doesn't dominate reality.  It feels into Oneness, falls in love with "what wants to happen," and gives itself to the vision created by that love..."  -- Martha Beck

The Vast Unknown: The Self

"...a deeper solution:  the reclamation of each person's calm, present, vastly resourceful true nature.  As the poet David Whyte wrote, "What you can plan is too small for you to live.  What you can live wholeheartedly will make enough plans..."   -- Martha Beck


Our true nature, that inner Self, is the vast unknown for each of us.  Growing up, we quickly learned to look to the outside for guidance on how to live our lives.  We pattern our lives through society's models of parental love, romantic love, work, productivity, religion, tradition -- without really being aware of this vast unknown, the Self.  The pull to fit in and to notice what others are doing are so strong.  There are so many temptations in what we hear and see, and so we forget to pause and check in with our internal musings.  There is a true Self that lives "inside," which contains our dreams, desires, aspirations, passion -- that only we can know.  Sometimes we tell others, "You don't even know me."  But we tend to ask for validation from them, and with all our hearts, we believe in the truth that "society" teaches.  But the truth about yourself has nothing to do with this world.  It has all to do with only you and your true nature.  Listen to that inner voice.  Pay attention.  Give life to it.  Dare to live the life according to you, not according to the love and acceptance of others -- not according to society's model of love and success.

Work, Work, Work

"...All of us have been taught to make things happen in the physical world.  We know what it takes:  setting goals, rolling up our sleeves, putting pleasure aside, and working, working, working, working.  Then it helps if we work harder.  Often we need others to help us work, so we must work to find them and work to motivate them with physical rewards (food, money, companionship, approval) and/or physical punishment (pink slips, prison, breakups, criticism).  All of this is hard.  It demands much time and effort from both the body and the calculating mind.  As Genesis reminds us, "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it was though taken: for dust thou are, and unto dust shalt thou return.

Well, yes, but...We now live in a world where a great deal of value is created with pure information rather than physical matter..."

--by Martha Beck, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World

Grasping

"...It's the emotional quality of gripping, clutching, and needing that bespeaks an underlying expectation of loss and deprivation, and causes us to create nightmares in the world of Form.  Desire without grasping is joyful and playful.  Hunger makes food more satisfying.  It's forcing ourselves to deny our hunger that will eventually make us ravenous and insatiable.  Without attachment we can receive the messages from the Energy Internet that tell us our needs will be met.  With that as our expectation, our actions bring wonderful abundance into the world of Form..."

--by Martha Beck, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World

Your Higher Purpose

Excerpt from Finding Your Way in a Wild New World by Martha Beck:


"...Usually they end up describing the same ultimate purpose as Alonzo's, something like "I want to live as long as possible, provide for my family, and be comfortable.

...This is a beautiful articulation of the ultimate purpose locked into the evolutionary programming of every living creature:  algae, tapeworms, even politicians.  Countless humans have put every ounce of their puzzle-cracking skill into living long and comfortably.  As a result, today a record number of humans are living long, well-fed, comparatively luxurious lives.  Yet many of us spend our time and money taking more antidepressants to boost the effectiveness of our current antidepressants.  We have what every living being is programmed to want -- enough food and shelter to survive and reproduce -- but it doesn't fulfill all the needs of our true nature..."

The Ancient Way of Healing

I've been reading this book called Finding Your Way in a Wild New World written by Martha Beck, the ultimate life coach.

She writes:

"...I also knew that the true nature of humans -- indeed true nature broadly defined -- has always been limited by survival pressures, including those the sociologist Max Weber called the "iron cage" of rationalization.  As long as people keep making money by rational means, Weber wrote, society's iron cages will keep imprisoning them, obliterating their desires and differences, turning human workers into mere components of the great financial machine of society...

...The fluidity of our civilization is creating the opportunity.  The means you'll use to realize your "right life" may not be as obvious.  I believe they must come from ancient traditions, created and used by wise healers in many different cultures and places.  These ways of mending were developed to fix any precious, complex, broken thing.  Our culture, while zooming far past previous societies in its ability to manipulate the physical world, has lost or deliberately discarded these ways of repairing what is broken in people and in the world..."


Try out this concept by Martha Beck.  Go to Youtube and look for videos about ancient/aboriginal cultures that still practice their way of life from a long long time ago -- whether they are singing or dancing or performing some kind of drumming ceremony, for instance.  Your brain has memories of the past, even way back to the time of the dinosaurs.  It's in your DNA.  You can ask them for help, for healing.  Go to the American Museum of Natural History and meditate on the dinosaurs and images of former tribes.  You can look for images of ancient China for example, and just be quiet for a few minutes.  Your heart will recognize the images that go back in time, lodged in your brain for thousands of years.  You are in essence accessing the ancient way of healing.  Back then, humans had the capacity to heal without medication, and their wisdom was based on the healing powers of plants, animals and the sun and the stars.  They practiced oneness with the universe and believed in the collective consciousness of humans.  They were very connected with their environment; and the plants, animals and planets were sacred to them.  Their relationship with earth was very respectful, whereas modern society is based on humans competing with each other and doing everything in the name of money without regard for nature and the well-being of others.  The balance between nature and humans has been disrupted in epic proportion.  And humans, like us, feel that destruction within us, because we are not meant to live the way we do today. So it is our goal to go back in time, internally, and ask for help.

Don't worry.  The goal is not to totally give up the present, but merely to balance the imbalance.  In fact, cross-pollenation of the past and the present is what creates magic.  Dig up old photos of your grandmother or great grandmother when she was still young and use it as a book mark while reading Forbes magazine, and notice how it rearranges your brain.  

Happy experimenting!

The Shallow Part of Life

"...The real reason we feel so starved in the shallows is that we [as humans] aren't made to be satisfied with material possessions or with concepts of ourselves as famous, noble, smart, handsome, righteous, influential, blah, blah, blah.  What we really want is the peace of the Stargazer.  The irony is that this is already present in every single one of us, though it's obscured by the dense matter of our lives at their shallowest.  Clinging to the shallowest sphere of existence, losing touch with our cores, is the primary cause of all our unhappiness.  So why does almost everyone spend enormous energy doing it?

To avoid the ring of fire, that's why..."

--excerpted from Steering by Starlight, by Martha Beck

How to Connect with People

We want to mingle and commune with other beings, because we need that connection.  But how good a connector are you?

I think that the best way to connect with others is to connect with yourself first.  Often, we feel insecure in our relationships because we cannot just be ourselves.  We feel we have to pretend, to impress, to agree because we really don't know how to be ourselves or don't know who we really are...the person inside us.  We're so externally-focused that we forget there's a Self living inside us, waiting to be set free.  We want to be liked, so we don't want to rock the boat.  Sometimes we just say what we think they expect us to say. 

That's because we are not connected inside.  A person who disconnected with her/his true self is very insecure about herself or himself.  Why?  Because she doesn't know who he or she really is.  The uncertainty is what makes is insecure.  How can you make a good analysis or opinion if you don't know the data by heart?

You think it's that simple?  No!  Because we want to assimilate, we can't even distinguish our own likes and dislikes from other people's likes and dislikes.  We want what others want because we don't know what we want or are afraid of rejection.  It's almost as if it's better to not be yourself, but accepted by society.  It's hard for us to distinguish our own ideas, the one that organically come from us, willingly, naturally and wholeheartedly -- because we believe in what others tell/teach us.  Are your beliefs yours or your parents', teachers', friends'.  We believe in the media and trends.  We want to be part of the culture.  That's fine if you already are connected with yourself...if you know who you really are, apart from the rest of society.  Then you can start believing in yourself, not the public or the media.

Once you connect with your true self, it's so easy then to connect with others, because you have no doubts about who you are.  A person who knows herself well is standing on level ground.  He/She can connect easily, because she's able to love herself.  That's just the magic of it all.  Find a tranquil place and moment and be aware of that person inside you who knows exactly what her favorite ice-cream is.  That's who you really are.  The more you know about who you are, the more confident you will become.  Because you will realize automatically, once you've done the getting-to-know work, that you are okay after all...at the core.  It just happens like magic.

Is it that simple?  Yes!  All you need to do is get to know the real person inside you.  What do you like, don't like?  What activity are you really passionate about?  It doesn't have to be the norm.  What type of person do you like?  Even if you think it's not cool.  If you didn't think about your audience, who would you really be.  You will feel so much better once you know who you are.  You'll be able to take off the mask.  It's the only way to connect with human beings.  You would know to connect using your authentic voice.  For some reason, when you get to know yourself uncensored, you just start feeling good.  And when you feel good, your relationships are good, intimate, rewarding and meaningful.

Try it!

10 Qualities that Make a Good Relationship

How do you know that your relationship is the best you can ever have.  Here are some qualities to look for:

• Intimate
• Meaningful
• Rewarding
• Enjoyable
• You are already complete by yourself.
• You can be yourself, because you know you are good at the core.
• You respect the other person, so you learn from him or her.
• It's not one-way.
• You speak your mind and your heart.
• Your not afraid of rejection.

Assimilating or Differentiating?

Others look successful, happier.  You feel bad about yourself.  That's human nature.  We are vulnerable to the people, places and sounds in our environment.  We respond emotionally.  That's just human nature.  The vulnerability is there if we don't have a strong sense of Self.  I don't mean being defiant or militant.  I mean knowing deep inside you that you love You.  I mean being deeply connected to the Knower in you.  I mean relying on your own knowing.  I mean letting your Inner Child loose to play, roam around, and be fascinated, instead of being vulnerable to the visuals and the sounds, touch and smell of society.

When you wish to assimilate in society, understand what you are giving up of your Self, and the extent of it.    Don't renounce your Free Spirit in order to function effectively in the so called culture that is prevailing.  Celebrate originality.  Don't you feel better when you have your back?  But there is something to be said about blending in.  It's good to be on the same page for the sake of communication and understanding.  And some discretion may be required to avoid conflagrations and violence...if it's worth it.  

You don't feel good about yourself if somebody doesn't love you, because the Self is vulnerable when you don't nurture it.  It's like having a relationship.  The Self gets stronger when you get to know it and pay attention to it.  The bond becomes stronger and you are able to flex the Self.  Likewise, if somebody likes you, you are vulnerable too, because you are depending on society's love and respect...instead of relying on your Self-love and Self-respect.  Society is about depending on the external. That's the way it is right now.  That's why we suffer.

Don't you feel better when you have your back?  When you can rely on yourself during good times and tough times?  When you are accosted, show compassion and understanding.  But I don't need to even say that because the Self is compassion and love.  I'll end with that thought...Love.

Let There Be Light!

The miracle that happens when life begins in the womb is always with you.  That miracle is in you for so long as you live.  The miracle that teaches a child to walk and to talk is always there for you to tap into.  All you need to do is be aware of this miraculous power or energy, and use it to your satisfaction to realize your vision for yourself.  This is where your power lies.  Plug into it.  You just need to do some work -- peeling the layers of negative beliefs -- and it will reveal itself to you.   It's called the Self, the Core, the Source, the Inner Child.

You cannot feel like a victim or feel powerless if you are guided by your Inner Child.  You are connected to it, to the Source of life inside you, by virtue of the fact that you are alive on this planet.  Be connected! then shine your light on yourself, on others, and on the world.  Let there be light!  Let there be life!

The Self Has No Color

Little children, by nature, are fearless creatures.  They are not afraid to swing on the monkey bars or just talk to another boy or girl who just happened to be there. But as they grow up and assimilate in society, they lose that sense of fearlessness.  They start believing in the crowd instead of their true selves.  There are many ways that this child in us can get lost.  Severe trauma, heartbreak, rejection, hardship, abuse, neglect, domination are some of the reasons we lose our sense of security and we start to doubt our sense of judgement.  As a consequence, we start separating ourselves.  We act like strangers in this world, while everybody else seems like they are on the same page.  That's what we perceive.  We start finding it hard to connect internally and outwardly, and then many of us find ourselves trying hard to fit in, looking for that one person who will love us -- as if it were our only salvation.

As adults, we start to look for reasons why we cannot assimilate.  Is it because of the color of my skin?  Is it my accent?  Is it my height?  Is it the way I speak?  Is it the way I dress?  Is it the kind of job I have?  Is it the size of my house?  Is it the kind of car I drive?  Is it my culture?  Is it my education?  Is it how much money I have or don't have?  Is it about what I want to do?

My job as a life coach is to help you find that lost child, which I call the Self.  You can go back internally and work little by little to recover your equilibrium and bearing and give life to this inner Self again...the Self that has no color or shape.  This Self is your source of dignity and pride.  It exists inside you and is your connection to your Source and is Love.  This is the Self that knows what flavor of ice-cream you love the best!

Can Society Make You Happy?

It's so tempting to want to be accepted, especially by someone you admire or look up to, like a beautiful person or a person with an important job or someone who you think is tres cool.  I notice that when I feel this way, I don't like myself.  I see myself as inferior and I want to think of ways to make myself more attractive to others.  I wish I had a nice job so others will be impressed and look at me with approval and find me worthy of their company.  I think of ways to improve myself because I have to be good.

I have a cousin who is tall and smart and sort of an elite.  When she is nice to me, I feel fantastic.  So I ask myself...why can't I feel fantastic anyway, with or without her approval.  I guess that deep down I must be believing that I'm not good enough unless she pays attention to me even for just one minute.  So I dress a certain way and talk a certain way.  This gives me status, which I prize so much I guess, because I see how important those people are, in a class of their own.  And that's what I want for myself, if I have to admit it, because I think that that would make me finally a happy person.

Life, though, is difficult from that perspective, which is that I'm not good enough just by being my ordinary self, flawed at that because that's what human beings are.  The struggle for me is to know deeply that I am a good person, and that I'm good enough no matter what.  And anyone who does not love me is just mistaken.  That's okay too, because people are simply imperfect human beings.  I don't need to be wealthy and beautiful and smart to be a good person.  There are no requirements except that I've been born.

I know it's hard to be our own person because we want to be accepted by society.  Who wants to be an outcast?  Not me.  But when I really think about it, it is better for me to be alone if that's the price I pay to be just myself...no strings attached.  Reality is always better than the ideal.  If you strive for the ideal, you will get depressed.  It's better to be just you because you can never be like another person.  We're all different no matter how hard we try to be like someone else.

I'm a Late Bloomer in Life

I was exhilarated at finally realizing that my destiny is uniquely mine, and my purpose is as unique as my thumbprint, different from those of other human beings.  I understand that now.  I cannot possibly live the life of the majority or the chosen exactly as it is.  Fitting in seems so silly now.

The journey to the truth regarding my Self is a mysterious one.  Along the way I found golden nuggets of truth about love, responsibility, work, possibilities, desires, propensities, confidence, freedom, liberation, etc...that still shake me to my core.  I relish the moments of realizations with great satisfaction.  Life is a process and a work in progress.  I welcome the unknown parts of me, until such time when the truth is revealed.  I look forward to the journey with great anticipation...until the end of time.  This is my work.

--Pauline's thoughts on another milestone

Misbeliefs

You've spent your life accumulating evidence to prove that what you (subconsciously) believe about yourself is true. Things like, "I'm not loveable", "I'm not good enough", "I don't matter", etc, etc, etc. Now, CONSCIOUSLY focus on the abundant evidence in your life that demonstrates who you really are - compassionate, loving, kind, lovable, etc, etc, etc. You've created your life out of misbeliefs. There's no shame or guilt associated with that, because it's not bad or wrong. You've just believed things that aren't true, and there's plenty of evidence in your life to prove what is true. Just shift your focus. 

--from The Work of Byron Katie

Exposing our Love

Our outer urgings are a product of our environment, of our influences, and of one's ego. This is what creates thoughts and makes them go unquestioned. The fallacy of this is in how life is lived and how everything seems to be as it appears. The ego creates this and it blocks our ability to love, this is what causes our internal battle. But if our thoughts were questioned and the mind stopped long enough to see this fallacy, our inner essence of love would be exposed as our intuitive essence. This would stop the tug-of-war with our ego and the unquestioned thoughts would never cause us to battle ourselves again.

---author:  a friend of mine and Byron Katie

Re-wiring the Brain

Rewiring the brain, to be more positive, is like programming.  Here are some steps that have worked for me:

1.  Feeding the brain with new data, such as positive thoughts and positive images.  Think of anything good or something positive...like a nice conversation you had or think of your role model or think of your dog or cat that you love so much or your favorite yogurt.

2.  Repetition is the key to successful rewiring.  Keep thinking positive thoughts, images, people or events that make you happy, no matter how small.  Interior design makes me happy so I like looking at pictures in magazines, such as Architectural Digest or Better Homes.  I keep looking at the images and imagine how I can make my own place look like that...at some point in my life.  It makes me happy.  Repeat the images and thoughts in your head throughout the day and everyday.  Remind yourself about a good thing at least three times a day or more.

3.  Observation is also key.  To do this, try to be in the present.  Be aware...of your body, surroundings, the atmosphere, objects in front of you.  Then ask yourself how you feel at the moment.  Do you feel good or bad?  If so, why?  What's bothering you?  Are your shoes too tight?  Are you thinking about your weight or money or your job?  Or what are you liking at the moment?  Do you like what you're wearing today?  Do you like the weather?  The answers to these questions are called "data."  You need this information to know where you're at and what you can do about it.  Look in the mirror and ask yourself what you see and what you feel.  That's information you can use to make a plan of action to transform your life.

4.  Tweaking or Fine Tuning your strategy to make your day or your life more positive.  It's like when an artist is carving an object of art.  The artist makes a general shape and then chips at it until it's just right for him or her.  And then finally, he/she polishes it.  We can do the same when we re-program our brains.  Maybe this week, you just need to look at the small things you want to accomplish...like the basics...like building a solid foundation to build on later.

5.  Mastering the Basics.  To build anything, you need a foundation, and a strong one.  The basics of life are the foundation of life.  Just think of the basics, like sleep, health, hygiene, order, education, budgeting, leisure, fun, laughter, etc.  Of course you don't want to be a perfectionist and always think of balance.  Master the basics and you will learn so much about yourself.  When I decided to pay attention to my bedroom, I sat on my bed and just looked at the walls.  I realized I wanted to paint it something else.  Then I looked inside my closet.  I was just browsing, and in the process, found things I could throw away to make space.  And I also found things buried that now I can use.  I paced myself.  I did one corner of the room at a time.  When I got tired, I would stop, even if I weren't finished looking through everything, or cleaning this part.  What I learned was that my room was an important place.  And I learned to value my things because I got to know them.  So it's worth taking care of them.  Lessons like these are the building blocks for happiness and success.

Eventually, after doing this rewiring for a period of time, you will encounter a series of aha! moments...glimpses of the truth.  And then good things start to happen and life becomes so much easier and fun.

You're the Boss of You

People get depressed because they focus on others and what's outside.  Negative thoughts, such as I'm not good enough, etc., can ruin your entire life.  The more you think negative thoughts, the more they grow and multiply inside your head.  You need a home, an anchor, inside of you that would neutralize these vicious negative thoughts.

Living up to society's standards is impossible.  You think you are not a success, but the other is.  But Life is big, wide and abundant.  Life is huge.  You cannot go by how others live it.  That would limit you.  That's why you don't get it.  There are a gazillion ways to live life.  You have to deal with Life according to who you are, the one that's got the unique finger print.  You can go by how you see it -- your own way.  You're the one who knows what tickles you or delights you or scares you inside, in private.  There's this you that you need to explore -- the breadth and depth of it.  This unique you is wide and deep.  There's so much to know about your true self -- the unknown.  Take the time to get to know it.  It could take years or even a lifetime, but it's so worth it.  How come you don't know who you really are?  Because you focus on others.  There's only one you that is different from the others.  The real you is where home is.  That's where peace is. 

Are you comfortable where you are sitting?  Shift your body a bit until you find that sweet spot...that awareness of your own self.  Who might that you be who does not always look around for validation, who does not compare itself to others and wondering what's going on outside so it can do the same?  Wonder what's going on with the real you instead?  You'll be surprised at the truth you will find about the real you...and it will astound and delight you...if you really try. 

You don't feel good enough because there's this picture of life that you think is the way it should be.  But no one person has the correct recipe for life, for everyone.  It's individual and diverse and goes according to you, the one and only you.  Be yourself...try it out.  It's scary but it's the only way out and the only path to true happiness.

There is actually a manual for life.  Do you know where it is?  It's inside you.  You have your own take on life that's yours alone.  Don't make it less important than other people's take on life.  That's theirs, not yours.  What if there were no trends or fads or the majority?  What then?  Follow your own heart and mind..  Who would you go by but yourself?  Because you're different from others.  That's why I made as many paragraphs as I wanted on this post.  It's according to my delight, not what others see as correct.

Making Small Things Special

The process of creating involves some interesting elements.  To be able to create something special or special moments, here are some pointers for doing small things, like chopping onions:

1.  Imagine yourself in a preaceful place, like maybe a garden with lots of greenery, peace and quiet...where you are comfortable.

2.  Be flexible.  It doesn't have to be 100% perfect all the time.  Don't ruin your health or get so stressed out because you want it to be a certain way.  Take your time, don't rush even if it means not finishing the task completely.  Yes, you want it to be special, but not at the risk of losing your health or peace of mind.  You still would have accomplished a good amount, even if it's not all of it.

3.  Be mindful.  Be aware of your self, your movements, what's in front of you.  Let your mind be present in the moment.  Don't worry about what happens next.

4.  Visualize...the steps, how it will look, where you are, and the atmosphere.

5.  Think fun.  How can you have fun with it?  Be playful in your mind.

6.  Feel free.  Imagine that you are totally unencumbered and no one's looking over your shoulder.  You're not afraid of anyone.  You're care free..a free spirit.

7.  Give it time.  Whatever you are doing or planning, think about how much time you would like to have ideally.  Imagine spending that time all by yourself without watching the clock...10 minutes or one hour.  Don't rush.  Enjoy every bit of it.  It's like you're the boss.

8.  Make the task important to you.  This applies to things that are small or mundane.  You're gonna have to do it anyway.  You want to give it your full attention and concentration.  Don't just wing it.  Feel as if you want to create something special.  This will make the task more like fun.  Try cooking a dish your way, or watering the plants with much care.

9.  Whatever it is, do it your way, as opposed to their way.  Don't think trends or society.  You'll be surprised how unique your way is, even if your ideas weren't grand or extraordinary.  Simple thoughts that come from the real you can produce something special and authentic.  You do it for yourself, not others.

Three Mental Health Goals

1.   Don't be a robot, be spontaneous.  You have awareness.  Don't be automatic all the time.

2.   Be mindful.  Stop, look and listen.  Slow down and pay attention to what's in front of you.  Be aware of the self.

3.   Practice positive reinforcement.  Jog your memory for times when something small but good happened.  For example, when something went right just as planned, or when you blurted out something nice, or when you felt at peace watching the swaying of the tree on a clear day.  Relish the moments.

This is how you re-wire your brain.