Reality vs. The Ideal

A lot of times it is really hard to understand reality.  We ask:  why is this happening?  And clearly, the answer is:  because it is happening, it's called reality.  The most common mistake in life is idealizing persons or situations.  Life should be easy.  And yet, life is difficult.  My mother doesn't love me, and yet some mothers cannot love -- that's reality.  So the ideal, such as mothers should love their children, a lot of times does not happen.  But we expect the ideal to happen, so we experience a lot of pain because it doesn't happen.  Why do we keep expecting the ideal, when reality is always different.  Women don't always become good mothers, and yet we perpetuate the belief that all mothers should love their children.  That is why children feel so hurt when the mother is incapable of loving. This causes a lot of mental pain.  We have to believe that not all women know how to parent a child, much less love a child.  And yet we always question the quality of a mother's love.  People, like women, struggle with their limitations in coping with life's many challenges and hurdles.  It is so easy to hate and become confused, angry, disillusioned, dysfunctional, or lost or even unaware of one's own behavior.  People are that way.  So why should women be different just because they bear children?  Reality does not fit this ideal we have invented about a mother's love.  Yes, there are many mothers who love, but there are also many who do not love.  If nobody loves you, you become more independent.  Isn't that good, in a way?  Why do we teach our children to get their self-worth from their mothers or husbands or wives, instead of loving their own selves and getting love from anyone who really loves them?  Isn't a friend's love good enough?  Is a mother's love superior?  That's why we anguish so much when she is so cold.