Leveraging What You Already Have

In T.D. Jakes' best-selling book Instinct, he talks about heightened awareness of our instinctive pre-wiring.  He says that by changing our inner world we then change our outer world.

Inspired by this book, I made a list of things we already have...our powers, so to speak, that were given to us when we came into this world.  They are:

Reasoning Power
Awareness
Reflection
Thinking
Analysis
Imagination
Expression
Change
Intelligence
Problem-Solving
Creativity
Learning Ability
Growing
Wisdom
Desiring

We were given all these resources or qualities or abilities..., in order that we may negotiate our way through life.  Leverage these resources.  Don't take them foregranted.  They are there at your disposal!

Your Therapist's Style

I have had several therapists since the late 1990s.  I realize now how differently each one of them approached the science of therapy.  Their methods were so far apart.  So get to know, as much as possible, what your therapist's attitude is about therapy.  I had a therapist who hardly spoke back to me.  I realized now that she believed, as I did then, that therapy was just a means to "express" your thoughts and feelings...a way to unload.  On rare occasions, when she felt compelled, she would say something back to me.  I also had a therapist who would act up if I would complain about being depressed.  At first, I thought it was odd and unfair.  I noticed that she was happy when we were just chatting about books or family events.  I realize now that it was her way of helping me get "socialized,"  -- learning how to "chat" with people.  And she never wanted me to focus on the negative, so she kind of kicked my ass when I would start to whine.  It seemed cruel, but I get her point now.  My current therapist is a trauma specialist, so I make sure I take advantage of that fact.  I understand how she usually connects my worries today with my childhood "traumas," and I learn so much from that perspective.  Therapy only works if you know how to take advantage of your sessions.  Know what makes your therapist tic!

Therapy Works from Both Sides of the Coin

Therapy works well if you consider both sides.  It's not just about your story, but the story of the person you are in a relationship with.  If you complain about someone, whether it's a family member, a friend, or a colleague, or even a stranger, you obviously will tell your side of the story.  But the therapist can help you better, if you also give the other person's side of the story.  In most cases, people hurt other people, not on purpose, but because 1) that's the only communication style they know, 2) they misunderstood you, 3) they don't trust other people's intentions, 4) they're very sensitive, etc.  I know people who are very direct when they speak.  They may sound stern and insensitive, but they just don't want to sugarcoat things.  There are also others who always think they are being manipulated.  So they take offense easily with any small thing.  And there are those who are victims of their own upbringing.  They act that way with everybody, so you cannot take them personally.  All this have to be considered by the therapist, so the therapist can make a truth-based analysis of your situation.  If you don't consider the human condition of others, you may be hurting for no good reason.  Help the therapist help you by giving both sides of the story.  For example, if you talk to your therapist about your mother, how she neglected you...don't forget to tell her that she bought you a car when you needed one.