The first glimpses of life at an early stage actually became the truths I held on to throughout my adult years. My vision of life grew out of that child's eyes and mind. When I got depressed , chances are that I can look back to my childhood and find the connection. I thought I wasn't treated right by my family, friends, teachers, society -- back then -- so my view of people, in general, became warped. That is how we sow the seeds of depression. The negative beliefs have collected in the brain, latent but simmering, ready to explode when the bubble bursts.
But can we still blame others for our depression once we've become adults? Yes, it seems so much easier to blame someone else rather than moving on actively to find that place where we can find peace. We focus on how to get justice and how to prove them wrong. But the reality is, only I can get myself out of the hole, not someone else.
As an adult, I become at some point the creator of my life. It's hard to believe that I truly have a choice. And controlling the situation seems very frustrating. But it's not really about control. Rather, it is about my ability to turn to my own self for the love I'm always looking for. Because the truth is: I am quite good at loving people.
Filling our hearts with sadness, anger, hate and blame is quite a big set up for failure. As humans, we are creators, after all. I started creating imaginary walls, creating enemies, creating hiding places in my life, creating limitations, creating separations; and in the process, denying myself all those good feelings that come with good thoughts, good experiences, a good life. To me, life had to be a certain way...very far from reality. The mental pain came from forcing the issue. Life had to be a specific way. Otherwise, it was "not" a worthy life. I started creating stories in my head about other people, about me, about life, that made me feel stuck. Finally, I put myself in a corner and the result was shut-down. In other words, depression.
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