Setting the Bar too High

I was feeling blah today, not quite sure what to do with myself or with the day that was extreme.  I looked over my journal to see what ideas to focus on, such as looking at the glass half full or reminding myself that I grew up in a dynastic family culture which was constraining, or maybe focus on the idea of being authentic.  Being authentic...hmmm...   How can I apply that to my day?  The more bad I felt just thinking about it.  I went outside and sat at my favorite corner of the fast food restaurant and opened my journal, pen in hand.  I kept looking at the words...being authentic.  I couldn't shake off the bad feeling.  I was struggling for almost an hour.  Finally, I gave up.  I told myself I would just sleep it off.  It would be nice to snuggle under the warm blanket, even though, at the back of my head, that it was a loser's job to do that.  As I started to pack my things, voila!  I was awake all of a sudden as if the burden was lifted off my shoulder.  I started feeling good and relaxed and energized.  I figured out what the problem was.  I was forcing myself to be authentic, when in fact, it doesn't happen all the time to human beings.  And I probably was already being authentic, so it was overkill.  I realized then that even with doing work with my Self, I was thinking too big instead of small.  I was getting carried away and going overboard and being too hard on myself, to the point of pressuring myself to be authentic, thus, feeling bad about it.  I sat some more, savoring the moment of joy and peace.  What a glorious day it turned out to be, as I enjoyed listening to the background music.

Please note that my behavior came from a subconscious thought (You have to be authentic all the time.)  I wasn't really fully aware that I was being too hard on myself.  I only knew that I was feeling bad and didn't know why.  I also knew at that moment that being authentic was a liberating idea.  But I did not understand that going overboard and setting the bar too high, even on such a noble thing as being authentic, can cause harm to the self.

So in general, setting the bar to high on relationships and life in general can cause too much anxiety and even depression or panic attacks.  Be kind to yourself, even if it were only yourself.  Perfectionism can cause emotional disturbances, and be aware that your feelings of perfectionism can be subconscious and therefore, hard to detect.  So again, don't be too hard on yourself.

How to Succeed in Therapy

Therapy most often is a process much like peeling an onion.  There are many layers of issues to peel and there are many levels of breakthroughs.  To get the most out of your therapy sessions, here are some tips:

• Pursue the truth with ardor.
• Who am I?
• Why can't I be myself?
• Question your behavior or beliefs that bother you.
•  What am I doing with my life?
• Tell the therapist your personal goals.
• I don't want to be a robot
• I want to be authentic
• I want to be confident
•  Be aware of your subconscious.
• I want to fit in
• I want to be liked
• I want to do what others are doing
• What do I like?
• Focus on one issue only and understand it fully until it's resolved completely.
• How do I react?
• How do I treat myself and others when I don't feel good about something?
• What images do you see in your mind?
• Ask for a treatment plan so your sessions are focused.
• Be conscientious and do the work after the session, review your notes.