Imagination

"...A wayfinder's Imagination doesn't dominate reality.  It feels into Oneness, falls in love with "what wants to happen," and gives itself to the vision created by that love..."  -- Martha Beck

The Vast Unknown: The Self

"...a deeper solution:  the reclamation of each person's calm, present, vastly resourceful true nature.  As the poet David Whyte wrote, "What you can plan is too small for you to live.  What you can live wholeheartedly will make enough plans..."   -- Martha Beck


Our true nature, that inner Self, is the vast unknown for each of us.  Growing up, we quickly learned to look to the outside for guidance on how to live our lives.  We pattern our lives through society's models of parental love, romantic love, work, productivity, religion, tradition -- without really being aware of this vast unknown, the Self.  The pull to fit in and to notice what others are doing are so strong.  There are so many temptations in what we hear and see, and so we forget to pause and check in with our internal musings.  There is a true Self that lives "inside," which contains our dreams, desires, aspirations, passion -- that only we can know.  Sometimes we tell others, "You don't even know me."  But we tend to ask for validation from them, and with all our hearts, we believe in the truth that "society" teaches.  But the truth about yourself has nothing to do with this world.  It has all to do with only you and your true nature.  Listen to that inner voice.  Pay attention.  Give life to it.  Dare to live the life according to you, not according to the love and acceptance of others -- not according to society's model of love and success.

Work, Work, Work

"...All of us have been taught to make things happen in the physical world.  We know what it takes:  setting goals, rolling up our sleeves, putting pleasure aside, and working, working, working, working.  Then it helps if we work harder.  Often we need others to help us work, so we must work to find them and work to motivate them with physical rewards (food, money, companionship, approval) and/or physical punishment (pink slips, prison, breakups, criticism).  All of this is hard.  It demands much time and effort from both the body and the calculating mind.  As Genesis reminds us, "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it was though taken: for dust thou are, and unto dust shalt thou return.

Well, yes, but...We now live in a world where a great deal of value is created with pure information rather than physical matter..."

--by Martha Beck, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World

Grasping

"...It's the emotional quality of gripping, clutching, and needing that bespeaks an underlying expectation of loss and deprivation, and causes us to create nightmares in the world of Form.  Desire without grasping is joyful and playful.  Hunger makes food more satisfying.  It's forcing ourselves to deny our hunger that will eventually make us ravenous and insatiable.  Without attachment we can receive the messages from the Energy Internet that tell us our needs will be met.  With that as our expectation, our actions bring wonderful abundance into the world of Form..."

--by Martha Beck, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World

Your Higher Purpose

Excerpt from Finding Your Way in a Wild New World by Martha Beck:


"...Usually they end up describing the same ultimate purpose as Alonzo's, something like "I want to live as long as possible, provide for my family, and be comfortable.

...This is a beautiful articulation of the ultimate purpose locked into the evolutionary programming of every living creature:  algae, tapeworms, even politicians.  Countless humans have put every ounce of their puzzle-cracking skill into living long and comfortably.  As a result, today a record number of humans are living long, well-fed, comparatively luxurious lives.  Yet many of us spend our time and money taking more antidepressants to boost the effectiveness of our current antidepressants.  We have what every living being is programmed to want -- enough food and shelter to survive and reproduce -- but it doesn't fulfill all the needs of our true nature..."

Playing Works

According to Martha Beck:

"...So despite our pathetically infantile teeth, claws, skeletons, and musculature, we dominate other species the way Peter Pan dominated Captain Hook:  simply by refusing to grow up.  We've proliferated and thrived because we never stop playing, and the way to cope with the increasing complexity of the wild new world is to play more.  Yet most of us adult humans tell ourselves that playing is "leisure time" activity, not to be confused with "productive work" nor taken to excess.  This will have to change as we adopt a new, Earth-healing consciousness.  In fact I think we'd be far better off if we did virtually nothing but play.  When I train coaches, I suggest that they eliminate the word "work" from their vocabulary and substitute "play" instead.  What I'm doing now is wordplay.  I try to play hard, and sometimes I play long hours.  Some people would say I play too much, but what can I say -- it plays for me..."

-- from Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, by Martha Beck

The Ancient Way of Healing

I've been reading this book called Finding Your Way in a Wild New World written by Martha Beck, the ultimate life coach.

She writes:

"...I also knew that the true nature of humans -- indeed true nature broadly defined -- has always been limited by survival pressures, including those the sociologist Max Weber called the "iron cage" of rationalization.  As long as people keep making money by rational means, Weber wrote, society's iron cages will keep imprisoning them, obliterating their desires and differences, turning human workers into mere components of the great financial machine of society...

...The fluidity of our civilization is creating the opportunity.  The means you'll use to realize your "right life" may not be as obvious.  I believe they must come from ancient traditions, created and used by wise healers in many different cultures and places.  These ways of mending were developed to fix any precious, complex, broken thing.  Our culture, while zooming far past previous societies in its ability to manipulate the physical world, has lost or deliberately discarded these ways of repairing what is broken in people and in the world..."


Try out this concept by Martha Beck.  Go to Youtube and look for videos about ancient/aboriginal cultures that still practice their way of life from a long long time ago -- whether they are singing or dancing or performing some kind of drumming ceremony, for instance.  Your brain has memories of the past, even way back to the time of the dinosaurs.  It's in your DNA.  You can ask them for help, for healing.  Go to the American Museum of Natural History and meditate on the dinosaurs and images of former tribes.  You can look for images of ancient China for example, and just be quiet for a few minutes.  Your heart will recognize the images that go back in time, lodged in your brain for thousands of years.  You are in essence accessing the ancient way of healing.  Back then, humans had the capacity to heal without medication, and their wisdom was based on the healing powers of plants, animals and the sun and the stars.  They practiced oneness with the universe and believed in the collective consciousness of humans.  They were very connected with their environment; and the plants, animals and planets were sacred to them.  Their relationship with earth was very respectful, whereas modern society is based on humans competing with each other and doing everything in the name of money without regard for nature and the well-being of others.  The balance between nature and humans has been disrupted in epic proportion.  And humans, like us, feel that destruction within us, because we are not meant to live the way we do today. So it is our goal to go back in time, internally, and ask for help.

Don't worry.  The goal is not to totally give up the present, but merely to balance the imbalance.  In fact, cross-pollenation of the past and the present is what creates magic.  Dig up old photos of your grandmother or great grandmother when she was still young and use it as a book mark while reading Forbes magazine, and notice how it rearranges your brain.  

Happy experimenting!

The World According to Beck

Here is the state of American society today:

"...Nancy believes that she will never make enough money to truly relax. Although she performs her job with desperate intensity and makes a very high salary, every time she gets a raise or a bonus, she manages to incur expenses that keep her financial situation at exactly the point that matches her expectation of "not quite enough.

Gerard has a similar issue with time. He's always so busy he has little time for personal pleasure, family outings, or even sleep. Though he complains about this every day, his underlying unarticulated expectation is "I am worthwhile only if I'm constantly doing something." He won't Form a more open schedule until he correct this use of his Imagination.

Polly feels isolated, unable to find a romantic partner or even friends who really "get" her. Though she works very hard at connecting with people, her expectations were set duing a childhood that combined her loneliness as the only child of a hard-working mother with high academic achievement that meant few of her classmates could keep up with her. Her expectations, not her deliberate thoughts, are dominating everything she Forms..."

-- from Martha Beck

The Shallow Part of Life

"...The real reason we feel so starved in the shallows is that we [as humans] aren't made to be satisfied with material possessions or with concepts of ourselves as famous, noble, smart, handsome, righteous, influential, blah, blah, blah.  What we really want is the peace of the Stargazer.  The irony is that this is already present in every single one of us, though it's obscured by the dense matter of our lives at their shallowest.  Clinging to the shallowest sphere of existence, losing touch with our cores, is the primary cause of all our unhappiness.  So why does almost everyone spend enormous energy doing it?

To avoid the ring of fire, that's why..."

--excerpted from Steering by Starlight, by Martha Beck

How to Relax the Mind

When you are stressed out, it means that your mind is overloaded with too many thoughts about needing success and love in order to be finally happy.  You have lost touch with your true Self.  You become disconnected from who you really are and your ego takes over.  All you need to do is unload, undo, simplify.  There are many ways to relax the mind.

1.  Drop the big projects and keep the small, doable ones -- for a few days at least.  For example, you may have thoughts such as:  I want to buy a house, I want to impress my boss, I want to lose weight...all at the same time.  Prioritize your projects and leave just one or zero project on your mind -- the one that's easy to do or with nothing to do.  This is a good way to clear the mind.  By dropping the big ones, you unburden the mind, and the mind can then function more effectively.  Trust that a clear mind will always give you the answers you are looking for in life.  Don't plan, and learn to trust in the Universe.  Try it and see what happens when you give your trust to it.

2.  Simplify.  Keep only the simple tasks in your mind, for now, such as planning what you'll have for dinner, washing your car or mending your socks.  Small tasks are easier on the mind and can boost confidence when you succeed in them.  You will discover that happiness can be found when you are at peace doing just these simple things.  You train yourself to relax and yet feel successful.  And you will feel more connected to your true Self because there are no big distractions to separate you from each other.

     When you simplify your day, your actions will be in sync with your being -- the real you.  And that's what you want to know, right?  "Who am I?" is what we long for.  When there are no distractions, when the ego does not get in the way, the Self is in control.  Then you establish equilibrium.  When you are in equilibrium, you automatically feel happy and secure and fulfilled.

3.  Don't plan. 

     If you can't stop planning, you can simply simplify the plans.  This will draw you inward, closer to your true Self.  The Self is at your core where you will experience total peace.  For example:  A small plan can mean getting a small plant.  Learn to grow it.  Watering the plant is a symbol of tender loving care, and this connects you to your core.  Stay with this feeling for a while. The more you value this connection inside, the more satisfied you will be with the simpler things in life, and the more you will fall in love with this Self.

    Just be.  When you are connected with your true Self, you don't really need to plan everything, because, in most cases, you are being spontaneous.  When you know who you really are inside and out, reality becomes your friend and whatever comes along is just right and, at times, delightful.  Because you know yourself really well, you doubt yourself less.  So you are not insecure.  Being sure of yourself means you know where you stand, and you are not trying to please others because you just want to be honest to the core.

     The overactive mind causes anxiety, even depression.  The overactive mind cannot see clearly. The best way to function is when you are very relaxed.  You can learn to be this way when you stop planning.

4.  Sit with yourself for a moment and be aware of your inner core.  Do sitting meditation.  Sit in a chair or if you would rather lie down, that's fine too.  What's it like?  Be aware of who you are.  Notice your mind.  Try this for a day or two.  Just sit with yourself and let your inner quiet guide you, instead of your mind.  When the mind controls all of your every next moves, you will never experience the moment.  You are always in the future, which is not real.  And you will not be able to have time to reflect and contemplate the Now through your Self.  You can access that inner quiet when the mind is relaxed. Experience the peace of solitude. This will calm your mind.  This way is the best way to connect with the real you and to fall in love with yourself.  When you fall in love with yourself, you will learn to like solitude.  And with solitude, you become self-sufficient and wouldn't need to dream up big things in the first place, just to be happy.

     When you're just sitting, notice the thoughts that are floating around in your mind.  And then just wait.  Wait for the voice that comes from the heart.  Wait for guidance.  It will come to you.  That's your inner compass, the one that knows you.  When you get connected internally, it will feel like home.  You will feel happy and satisfied.  That's what you are really looking for in life.  It's inside you.  Focus on your self.  Don't worry about the world for now.

5.  Go Back to Basics.  Brush your teeth, make your bed, fry an egg, drink coffee, take the train, etc.  The morning is a good time to go back to basics -- to take care of the small tasks, when the sun has just risen and the day is early, when you are feeling refreshed.  Stay with the feeling and notice how simple life really is.  When we want more, we actually complicate life, and we serve the ego instead of the authentic Self.

     Basics are less complicated and easiwer to think about.  When order is restored, your mind is relaxed, and things fall into place easily.  Because the basics are the building blocks of your foundation.  You can then build on top of it or around it, whatever your heart desires -- without feeling stressed out or confused.

6.  Do a Reality Check.  There is another method of clearing the mind wherein you question the stressful thoughts or fears that cause you to suffer.  Byron Katie has four questions that will help you understand those stressful thoughts.  For example, the stressful thought might be:  Paul doesn't listen to me.  You then ask yourself if this is true.  Is it absolutely true?  Maybe Paul is just not good at saying what's on his mind.  Or maybe Paul's mind is preoccupied by problems, etc.  Then ask:  How do you react when you believe that Paul doesn't listen to you?  Write down as much as you can about your feelings and thoughts.  This way, you see on paper what is in your head.  Then you can see where you might have been confused.  You might be focusing on something unnecessarily.  Anyway, now you have a choice of what decisions or actions to take...now that you have the data.  The fourth and last question is:  Who would you be without the thought that Paul does not listen to me?  Once you can imagine your mind without the stressful thought, you would feel the freedom, peace and happiness that comes with the absence of the stressful thought.  For more information about questioning the mind, go to thework.com or google Byron Katie.

Remember, the Self is the Knower in you.  Everything you need to know about life...the Knower knows.  And it lives inside you at your core, where there are no big projects to think about and there will be nothing but peace and quiet.  All you need to do is learn to be comfortable being with yourself alone, for just a moment or a day or even a week.  Just practice and notice your mind.  Once the mind is observed, it slows down and gets out of the way.  And then your true Self will show itself.

Once you have taken care of the basics and developed a close relationship with your Self, then perhaps your big dreams will come true anyway, because you are now being your genuine Self.

How to Connect with People

We want to mingle and commune with other beings, because we need that connection.  But how good a connector are you?

I think that the best way to connect with others is to connect with yourself first.  Often, we feel insecure in our relationships because we cannot just be ourselves.  We feel we have to pretend, to impress, to agree because we really don't know how to be ourselves or don't know who we really are...the person inside us.  We're so externally-focused that we forget there's a Self living inside us, waiting to be set free.  We want to be liked, so we don't want to rock the boat.  Sometimes we just say what we think they expect us to say. 

That's because we are not connected inside.  A person who disconnected with her/his true self is very insecure about herself or himself.  Why?  Because she doesn't know who he or she really is.  The uncertainty is what makes is insecure.  How can you make a good analysis or opinion if you don't know the data by heart?

You think it's that simple?  No!  Because we want to assimilate, we can't even distinguish our own likes and dislikes from other people's likes and dislikes.  We want what others want because we don't know what we want or are afraid of rejection.  It's almost as if it's better to not be yourself, but accepted by society.  It's hard for us to distinguish our own ideas, the one that organically come from us, willingly, naturally and wholeheartedly -- because we believe in what others tell/teach us.  Are your beliefs yours or your parents', teachers', friends'.  We believe in the media and trends.  We want to be part of the culture.  That's fine if you already are connected with yourself...if you know who you really are, apart from the rest of society.  Then you can start believing in yourself, not the public or the media.

Once you connect with your true self, it's so easy then to connect with others, because you have no doubts about who you are.  A person who knows herself well is standing on level ground.  He/She can connect easily, because she's able to love herself.  That's just the magic of it all.  Find a tranquil place and moment and be aware of that person inside you who knows exactly what her favorite ice-cream is.  That's who you really are.  The more you know about who you are, the more confident you will become.  Because you will realize automatically, once you've done the getting-to-know work, that you are okay after all...at the core.  It just happens like magic.

Is it that simple?  Yes!  All you need to do is get to know the real person inside you.  What do you like, don't like?  What activity are you really passionate about?  It doesn't have to be the norm.  What type of person do you like?  Even if you think it's not cool.  If you didn't think about your audience, who would you really be.  You will feel so much better once you know who you are.  You'll be able to take off the mask.  It's the only way to connect with human beings.  You would know to connect using your authentic voice.  For some reason, when you get to know yourself uncensored, you just start feeling good.  And when you feel good, your relationships are good, intimate, rewarding and meaningful.

Try it!

10 Qualities that Make a Good Relationship

How do you know that your relationship is the best you can ever have.  Here are some qualities to look for:

• Intimate
• Meaningful
• Rewarding
• Enjoyable
• You are already complete by yourself.
• You can be yourself, because you know you are good at the core.
• You respect the other person, so you learn from him or her.
• It's not one-way.
• You speak your mind and your heart.
• Your not afraid of rejection.

5 Ways To Be Just Yourself

1.  Think this:  You are good at your core.

2.  Find out who you really are, the one who does not need the audience, the one who loves cartoons, the one who like vanilla ice-cream, etc.

3.  Love yourself unconditionally, because there is nothing wrong with you at the core.

4.  Be independent.  The more independent you are, the more meaningful your relationships will be.

5.  Do a reality check.  Are they rejecting your core, or are they rejecting the pretend you?

Relationships and Jobs: Dealing with Heartbreak and Loss

To lose someone, such as a partner for example, or something such as a job for example, can be a very painful experience, mentally and emotionally.  You may even break down completely.  But fear not, I've learned that this is just life's way of waking us up.  This loss or break-up is actually an opportunity -- to understand life and ourselves on a deeper level, consciously.  We will go very deep and so some core work is required.  Because the truth is that we are okay at the core.  There is nothing wrong with us at the core.  Loss and heartbreak are actually important turning points for us, if we can only believe it.  The bottom line is that you are feeling very bad about your Self.  In these moments of hurting, we can begin to take inventory of the thoughts we have about our Self.  What are those thoughts?  How do you see yourself in the moment of loss and heartbreak?  Write it down, and begin questioning.  Ask your Self, the one who is the Knower in you:  Is it true, this thought?  Do I have proof?  Could it be that I am just confused...looking for a reason for the loss?  If you never really felt that good about yourself in the first place, chances are you will start pointing the finger at yourself or others.  Because you don't like yourself in the first place, with or without the person or thing.  That's evidence.

So ask yourself:  Who are you at the core?  How do you feel about your Self, at the core?  Once you become aware of this person in you, the one who likes ice-cream, for example, you will automatically fall in love with your Self.  Your true Self is the one that is independent and integral, not dependent on the outside for fulfillment, validation, and completion.  There is The Work of Byron Katie that uses inquiry to clear the mind.  According to Byron Katie, it is possible to end suffering by questioning every untrue belief that you are believing.  Some beliefs are obvious.  So you can easily question them.  But some are deep in the subconscious.  That requires a lot more detective work.  But once you find clues to your deep seated beliefs, you are on your way to handcuffing the culprits...those beliefs.  You can work on them, question them, and then you can be finally free of their power over you.  Because you will discover, when doing inquiry, that even the smallest thought, like "my shoes are too tight" or "I don't like rain because it's messy" are not absolutely true when you do this reality check.

If you know your Self very well, it will be intact, still independent -- after the loss.  You can move on easily and heal.  Without an independent Self, the Self can shatter or detach when overwhelmed by heartbreak or loss.  This break-up or loss can send you reeling from the pain and isolation over and over, non-stop.  But you can dive into the deepest part of your soul and find that part of you that was lost or never recognized or shattered or detached.  It's time to address this Self.  By questioning your negative beliefs -- such as "I am not good enough," "Life is hard," "I need someone to complete me," etc. -- you can have breathing space, plan your next move, make contact with your inner world...  because it is about your existence in a place deep inside.

If you don't know what's bothering you deep inside, the mind will continue to cause pain and suffering.  And you will carry those same negative thoughts to your next relationship or work, or experience  -- because you didn't do the work.  This does require some amount of work and time.  It doesn't happen overnight, but the outcome will be lasting and permanent.  Life will change dramatically, and you will be pleased beyond belief.

Life will always give us opportunities to go deeper -- to become conscious and awake.  That is how we can truly experience the real beauty of life.  You can awaken to your essence and make all your relationships and work meaningful and rewarding.  This requires all of us to take a good look at how we see ourselves and the world and how we make assumptions about us, our lives, and our experiences.

Byron Katie said:  "It's not what happens that causes us suffering.  It's our thoughts about what happens that causes suffering."

Assimilating or Differentiating?

Others look successful, happier.  You feel bad about yourself.  That's human nature.  We are vulnerable to the people, places and sounds in our environment.  We respond emotionally.  That's just human nature.  The vulnerability is there if we don't have a strong sense of Self.  I don't mean being defiant or militant.  I mean knowing deep inside you that you love You.  I mean being deeply connected to the Knower in you.  I mean relying on your own knowing.  I mean letting your Inner Child loose to play, roam around, and be fascinated, instead of being vulnerable to the visuals and the sounds, touch and smell of society.

When you wish to assimilate in society, understand what you are giving up of your Self, and the extent of it.    Don't renounce your Free Spirit in order to function effectively in the so called culture that is prevailing.  Celebrate originality.  Don't you feel better when you have your back?  But there is something to be said about blending in.  It's good to be on the same page for the sake of communication and understanding.  And some discretion may be required to avoid conflagrations and violence...if it's worth it.  

You don't feel good about yourself if somebody doesn't love you, because the Self is vulnerable when you don't nurture it.  It's like having a relationship.  The Self gets stronger when you get to know it and pay attention to it.  The bond becomes stronger and you are able to flex the Self.  Likewise, if somebody likes you, you are vulnerable too, because you are depending on society's love and respect...instead of relying on your Self-love and Self-respect.  Society is about depending on the external. That's the way it is right now.  That's why we suffer.

Don't you feel better when you have your back?  When you can rely on yourself during good times and tough times?  When you are accosted, show compassion and understanding.  But I don't need to even say that because the Self is compassion and love.  I'll end with that thought...Love.

Let There Be Light!

The miracle that happens when life begins in the womb is always with you.  That miracle is in you for so long as you live.  The miracle that teaches a child to walk and to talk is always there for you to tap into.  All you need to do is be aware of this miraculous power or energy, and use it to your satisfaction to realize your vision for yourself.  This is where your power lies.  Plug into it.  You just need to do some work -- peeling the layers of negative beliefs -- and it will reveal itself to you.   It's called the Self, the Core, the Source, the Inner Child.

You cannot feel like a victim or feel powerless if you are guided by your Inner Child.  You are connected to it, to the Source of life inside you, by virtue of the fact that you are alive on this planet.  Be connected! then shine your light on yourself, on others, and on the world.  Let there be light!  Let there be life!

The Self Has No Color

Little children, by nature, are fearless creatures.  They are not afraid to swing on the monkey bars or just talk to another boy or girl who just happened to be there. But as they grow up and assimilate in society, they lose that sense of fearlessness.  They start believing in the crowd instead of their true selves.  There are many ways that this child in us can get lost.  Severe trauma, heartbreak, rejection, hardship, abuse, neglect, domination are some of the reasons we lose our sense of security and we start to doubt our sense of judgement.  As a consequence, we start separating ourselves.  We act like strangers in this world, while everybody else seems like they are on the same page.  That's what we perceive.  We start finding it hard to connect internally and outwardly, and then many of us find ourselves trying hard to fit in, looking for that one person who will love us -- as if it were our only salvation.

As adults, we start to look for reasons why we cannot assimilate.  Is it because of the color of my skin?  Is it my accent?  Is it my height?  Is it the way I speak?  Is it the way I dress?  Is it the kind of job I have?  Is it the size of my house?  Is it the kind of car I drive?  Is it my culture?  Is it my education?  Is it how much money I have or don't have?  Is it about what I want to do?

My job as a life coach is to help you find that lost child, which I call the Self.  You can go back internally and work little by little to recover your equilibrium and bearing and give life to this inner Self again...the Self that has no color or shape.  This Self is your source of dignity and pride.  It exists inside you and is your connection to your Source and is Love.  This is the Self that knows what flavor of ice-cream you love the best!

Can Society Make You Happy?

It's so tempting to want to be accepted, especially by someone you admire or look up to, like a beautiful person or a person with an important job or someone who you think is tres cool.  I notice that when I feel this way, I don't like myself.  I see myself as inferior and I want to think of ways to make myself more attractive to others.  I wish I had a nice job so others will be impressed and look at me with approval and find me worthy of their company.  I think of ways to improve myself because I have to be good.

I have a cousin who is tall and smart and sort of an elite.  When she is nice to me, I feel fantastic.  So I ask myself...why can't I feel fantastic anyway, with or without her approval.  I guess that deep down I must be believing that I'm not good enough unless she pays attention to me even for just one minute.  So I dress a certain way and talk a certain way.  This gives me status, which I prize so much I guess, because I see how important those people are, in a class of their own.  And that's what I want for myself, if I have to admit it, because I think that that would make me finally a happy person.

Life, though, is difficult from that perspective, which is that I'm not good enough just by being my ordinary self, flawed at that because that's what human beings are.  The struggle for me is to know deeply that I am a good person, and that I'm good enough no matter what.  And anyone who does not love me is just mistaken.  That's okay too, because people are simply imperfect human beings.  I don't need to be wealthy and beautiful and smart to be a good person.  There are no requirements except that I've been born.

I know it's hard to be our own person because we want to be accepted by society.  Who wants to be an outcast?  Not me.  But when I really think about it, it is better for me to be alone if that's the price I pay to be just myself...no strings attached.  Reality is always better than the ideal.  If you strive for the ideal, you will get depressed.  It's better to be just you because you can never be like another person.  We're all different no matter how hard we try to be like someone else.

Being "Good"

There is no requirement for being "good" or a "good person."  It's only required that you are a breathing, living human being, that you have life, that you are God's creation.  You don't have to look a certain way or speak this way or that way.  You don't have to do so many things to make your life worth living.  Your mere existence is good enough for life.  You don't have to prove you did good.  You don't have to redeem yourself in this world.  Your only job, if there is any, is to realize your worth and your value simply because you are a person.  This is your birthright.  What other people think about you is their business.  Your business is your Self.

You don't need to be wealthy or fashionable just to feel good about yourself.  The reason we have to occupy ourselves with projects, events, activities, work, recreation is because we want to feel good about ourselves.  We want to accomplish, succeed, solve problems, because we feel worthless-- that's the problem.  Bad experiences cause us conclude that we are not liked, not welcomed, not good enough.  We erect monuments and fly to the moon so we can feel great about ourselves.

Until we feel worthy of our existence, just by being born, then nothing we do or have will give us lasting contentment.  Once we realize our value and worth as human beings, then we can live according to what we like, what we are passionate about.  We can trust our decisions and our judgements.  We can do this because there is no pain and suffering.  Then we can truly follow our hearts, listen to that voice within and live an authentic lives.

You shouldn't be doing things just to make yourself feel good about yourself.  Because you already are good no matter what, that's what I'm trying to say.  Even if you think your mother doesn't love you, you are still goooood.

I'm a Late Bloomer in Life

I was exhilarated at finally realizing that my destiny is uniquely mine, and my purpose is as unique as my thumbprint, different from those of other human beings.  I understand that now.  I cannot possibly live the life of the majority or the chosen exactly as it is.  Fitting in seems so silly now.

The journey to the truth regarding my Self is a mysterious one.  Along the way I found golden nuggets of truth about love, responsibility, work, possibilities, desires, propensities, confidence, freedom, liberation, etc...that still shake me to my core.  I relish the moments of realizations with great satisfaction.  Life is a process and a work in progress.  I welcome the unknown parts of me, until such time when the truth is revealed.  I look forward to the journey with great anticipation...until the end of time.  This is my work.

--Pauline's thoughts on another milestone

Misbeliefs

You've spent your life accumulating evidence to prove that what you (subconsciously) believe about yourself is true. Things like, "I'm not loveable", "I'm not good enough", "I don't matter", etc, etc, etc. Now, CONSCIOUSLY focus on the abundant evidence in your life that demonstrates who you really are - compassionate, loving, kind, lovable, etc, etc, etc. You've created your life out of misbeliefs. There's no shame or guilt associated with that, because it's not bad or wrong. You've just believed things that aren't true, and there's plenty of evidence in your life to prove what is true. Just shift your focus. 

--from The Work of Byron Katie

Exposing our Love

Our outer urgings are a product of our environment, of our influences, and of one's ego. This is what creates thoughts and makes them go unquestioned. The fallacy of this is in how life is lived and how everything seems to be as it appears. The ego creates this and it blocks our ability to love, this is what causes our internal battle. But if our thoughts were questioned and the mind stopped long enough to see this fallacy, our inner essence of love would be exposed as our intuitive essence. This would stop the tug-of-war with our ego and the unquestioned thoughts would never cause us to battle ourselves again.

---author:  a friend of mine and Byron Katie

Re-wiring the Brain

Rewiring the brain, to be more positive, is like programming.  Here are some steps that have worked for me:

1.  Feeding the brain with new data, such as positive thoughts and positive images.  Think of anything good or something positive...like a nice conversation you had or think of your role model or think of your dog or cat that you love so much or your favorite yogurt.

2.  Repetition is the key to successful rewiring.  Keep thinking positive thoughts, images, people or events that make you happy, no matter how small.  Interior design makes me happy so I like looking at pictures in magazines, such as Architectural Digest or Better Homes.  I keep looking at the images and imagine how I can make my own place look like that...at some point in my life.  It makes me happy.  Repeat the images and thoughts in your head throughout the day and everyday.  Remind yourself about a good thing at least three times a day or more.

3.  Observation is also key.  To do this, try to be in the present.  Be aware...of your body, surroundings, the atmosphere, objects in front of you.  Then ask yourself how you feel at the moment.  Do you feel good or bad?  If so, why?  What's bothering you?  Are your shoes too tight?  Are you thinking about your weight or money or your job?  Or what are you liking at the moment?  Do you like what you're wearing today?  Do you like the weather?  The answers to these questions are called "data."  You need this information to know where you're at and what you can do about it.  Look in the mirror and ask yourself what you see and what you feel.  That's information you can use to make a plan of action to transform your life.

4.  Tweaking or Fine Tuning your strategy to make your day or your life more positive.  It's like when an artist is carving an object of art.  The artist makes a general shape and then chips at it until it's just right for him or her.  And then finally, he/she polishes it.  We can do the same when we re-program our brains.  Maybe this week, you just need to look at the small things you want to accomplish...like the basics...like building a solid foundation to build on later.

5.  Mastering the Basics.  To build anything, you need a foundation, and a strong one.  The basics of life are the foundation of life.  Just think of the basics, like sleep, health, hygiene, order, education, budgeting, leisure, fun, laughter, etc.  Of course you don't want to be a perfectionist and always think of balance.  Master the basics and you will learn so much about yourself.  When I decided to pay attention to my bedroom, I sat on my bed and just looked at the walls.  I realized I wanted to paint it something else.  Then I looked inside my closet.  I was just browsing, and in the process, found things I could throw away to make space.  And I also found things buried that now I can use.  I paced myself.  I did one corner of the room at a time.  When I got tired, I would stop, even if I weren't finished looking through everything, or cleaning this part.  What I learned was that my room was an important place.  And I learned to value my things because I got to know them.  So it's worth taking care of them.  Lessons like these are the building blocks for happiness and success.

Eventually, after doing this rewiring for a period of time, you will encounter a series of aha! moments...glimpses of the truth.  And then good things start to happen and life becomes so much easier and fun.

You're the Boss of You

People get depressed because they focus on others and what's outside.  Negative thoughts, such as I'm not good enough, etc., can ruin your entire life.  The more you think negative thoughts, the more they grow and multiply inside your head.  You need a home, an anchor, inside of you that would neutralize these vicious negative thoughts.

Living up to society's standards is impossible.  You think you are not a success, but the other is.  But Life is big, wide and abundant.  Life is huge.  You cannot go by how others live it.  That would limit you.  That's why you don't get it.  There are a gazillion ways to live life.  You have to deal with Life according to who you are, the one that's got the unique finger print.  You can go by how you see it -- your own way.  You're the one who knows what tickles you or delights you or scares you inside, in private.  There's this you that you need to explore -- the breadth and depth of it.  This unique you is wide and deep.  There's so much to know about your true self -- the unknown.  Take the time to get to know it.  It could take years or even a lifetime, but it's so worth it.  How come you don't know who you really are?  Because you focus on others.  There's only one you that is different from the others.  The real you is where home is.  That's where peace is. 

Are you comfortable where you are sitting?  Shift your body a bit until you find that sweet spot...that awareness of your own self.  Who might that you be who does not always look around for validation, who does not compare itself to others and wondering what's going on outside so it can do the same?  Wonder what's going on with the real you instead?  You'll be surprised at the truth you will find about the real you...and it will astound and delight you...if you really try. 

You don't feel good enough because there's this picture of life that you think is the way it should be.  But no one person has the correct recipe for life, for everyone.  It's individual and diverse and goes according to you, the one and only you.  Be yourself...try it out.  It's scary but it's the only way out and the only path to true happiness.

There is actually a manual for life.  Do you know where it is?  It's inside you.  You have your own take on life that's yours alone.  Don't make it less important than other people's take on life.  That's theirs, not yours.  What if there were no trends or fads or the majority?  What then?  Follow your own heart and mind..  Who would you go by but yourself?  Because you're different from others.  That's why I made as many paragraphs as I wanted on this post.  It's according to my delight, not what others see as correct.

Making Small Things Special

The process of creating involves some interesting elements.  To be able to create something special or special moments, here are some pointers for doing small things, like chopping onions:

1.  Imagine yourself in a preaceful place, like maybe a garden with lots of greenery, peace and quiet...where you are comfortable.

2.  Be flexible.  It doesn't have to be 100% perfect all the time.  Don't ruin your health or get so stressed out because you want it to be a certain way.  Take your time, don't rush even if it means not finishing the task completely.  Yes, you want it to be special, but not at the risk of losing your health or peace of mind.  You still would have accomplished a good amount, even if it's not all of it.

3.  Be mindful.  Be aware of your self, your movements, what's in front of you.  Let your mind be present in the moment.  Don't worry about what happens next.

4.  Visualize...the steps, how it will look, where you are, and the atmosphere.

5.  Think fun.  How can you have fun with it?  Be playful in your mind.

6.  Feel free.  Imagine that you are totally unencumbered and no one's looking over your shoulder.  You're not afraid of anyone.  You're care free..a free spirit.

7.  Give it time.  Whatever you are doing or planning, think about how much time you would like to have ideally.  Imagine spending that time all by yourself without watching the clock...10 minutes or one hour.  Don't rush.  Enjoy every bit of it.  It's like you're the boss.

8.  Make the task important to you.  This applies to things that are small or mundane.  You're gonna have to do it anyway.  You want to give it your full attention and concentration.  Don't just wing it.  Feel as if you want to create something special.  This will make the task more like fun.  Try cooking a dish your way, or watering the plants with much care.

9.  Whatever it is, do it your way, as opposed to their way.  Don't think trends or society.  You'll be surprised how unique your way is, even if your ideas weren't grand or extraordinary.  Simple thoughts that come from the real you can produce something special and authentic.  You do it for yourself, not others.

Three Mental Health Goals

1.   Don't be a robot, be spontaneous.  You have awareness.  Don't be automatic all the time.

2.   Be mindful.  Stop, look and listen.  Slow down and pay attention to what's in front of you.  Be aware of the self.

3.   Practice positive reinforcement.  Jog your memory for times when something small but good happened.  For example, when something went right just as planned, or when you blurted out something nice, or when you felt at peace watching the swaying of the tree on a clear day.  Relish the moments.

This is how you re-wire your brain.

Setting the Bar too High

I was feeling blah today, not quite sure what to do with myself or with the day that was extreme.  I looked over my journal to see what ideas to focus on, such as looking at the glass half full or reminding myself that I grew up in a dynastic family culture which was constraining, or maybe focus on the idea of being authentic.  Being authentic...hmmm...   How can I apply that to my day?  The more bad I felt just thinking about it.  I went outside and sat at my favorite corner of the fast food restaurant and opened my journal, pen in hand.  I kept looking at the words...being authentic.  I couldn't shake off the bad feeling.  I was struggling for almost an hour.  Finally, I gave up.  I told myself I would just sleep it off.  It would be nice to snuggle under the warm blanket, even though, at the back of my head, that it was a loser's job to do that.  As I started to pack my things, voila!  I was awake all of a sudden as if the burden was lifted off my shoulder.  I started feeling good and relaxed and energized.  I figured out what the problem was.  I was forcing myself to be authentic, when in fact, it doesn't happen all the time to human beings.  And I probably was already being authentic, so it was overkill.  I realized then that even with doing work with my Self, I was thinking too big instead of small.  I was getting carried away and going overboard and being too hard on myself, to the point of pressuring myself to be authentic, thus, feeling bad about it.  I sat some more, savoring the moment of joy and peace.  What a glorious day it turned out to be, as I enjoyed listening to the background music.

Please note that my behavior came from a subconscious thought (You have to be authentic all the time.)  I wasn't really fully aware that I was being too hard on myself.  I only knew that I was feeling bad and didn't know why.  I also knew at that moment that being authentic was a liberating idea.  But I did not understand that going overboard and setting the bar too high, even on such a noble thing as being authentic, can cause harm to the self.

So in general, setting the bar to high on relationships and life in general can cause too much anxiety and even depression or panic attacks.  Be kind to yourself, even if it were only yourself.  Perfectionism can cause emotional disturbances, and be aware that your feelings of perfectionism can be subconscious and therefore, hard to detect.  So again, don't be too hard on yourself.

How to Succeed in Therapy

Therapy most often is a process much like peeling an onion.  There are many layers of issues to peel and there are many levels of breakthroughs.  To get the most out of your therapy sessions, here are some tips:

• Pursue the truth with ardor.
• Who am I?
• Why can't I be myself?
• Question your behavior or beliefs that bother you.
•  What am I doing with my life?
• Tell the therapist your personal goals.
• I don't want to be a robot
• I want to be authentic
• I want to be confident
•  Be aware of your subconscious.
• I want to fit in
• I want to be liked
• I want to do what others are doing
• What do I like?
• Focus on one issue only and understand it fully until it's resolved completely.
• How do I react?
• How do I treat myself and others when I don't feel good about something?
• What images do you see in your mind?
• Ask for a treatment plan so your sessions are focused.
• Be conscientious and do the work after the session, review your notes.

Conditioning the Mind

The following definition is from Encyclopaedia Britannica:

conditioning, in physiology, a behavioral process whereby a response becomes more frequent or more predictable in a given environment as a result of reinforcement, with reinforcement typically being a stimulus or reward for a desired response. Early in the 20th century, through the study of reflexes, physiologists in Russia, England, and the United States developed the procedures, observations, and definitions of conditioning. After the 1920s, psychologists turned their research to the nature and prerequisites of conditioning. 
http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/131552/conditioning

We all, I think, would want to change the way we behave at different stages of our lives.  Conditioning is a true and tried process, whereby you teach your brain to be or do whatever or however you want to change.  To begin the process, pick a goal.  This goal could be any goal, but a general one.  A good one to start with is:  to think positive.  This is a good goal to have, because then you can elevate your mood, or you can "feel good," or you can be more successful at work or school, etc.

The way to condition your mind can consist of the following steps:

1/  Make a list of things or experiences that make you happy.  For example:
        -Things that you love or that delight you, such as your favorite silk scarf, your favorite house clothes, or a wool scarf that keeps you so warm in the cold air, or a puppy, etc. 
        -Successful experiences...small ones, like when you finally perfected a recipe, or when you were able to find the perfect outfit, or when you heard beautiful poetry, or when you figured out how your fancy camera works, or when you so much enjoyed a sitting and sipping coffee at the corner cafe, etc.

2/  Every morning or whenever you have a moment of quiet time, even for only 10 minutes each time throughout the day...do this:  In your mind, visualize the favorite thing or successful experience on your list.  Hold the image in your head and notice how good it makes you feel.  Feel the warmth in your body as the energy travels from your feet all the way up to your cheeks.  Enjoy the movie in your head for as long as you can.  Do this regularly and daily.

3/  During your conditioning exercise, notice the happy image in your head, and then start doing affirmations.  For example:  That's so great!   I'm so lucky!     I'm so happy!

4/  You can also do conditioning when you are stressed out, frustrated or in a bad mood.  Stop for a few minutes and do the visualization and affirmations together.

This process really works and can boost your energy.  It worked for Pavlov's dog.  It has been proven scientifically.  So why shouldn't it work for us humans.  Conditioning the brain is so easy to do and so effective, it will change your life for the better.  It will open up your life, and you'll just know what to do to make your life even better and better.

Namaste.

Your Compass

It's good to check your inner compass every now and then.  Take 20 to 60 minutes or just a few minutes in the day to stop and reflect.  Ask yourself if you are where you want to be.  Are you going in the right direction?  How do you feel in the moment?  Is there one small step you can take on your journey to your destination?  Just wait quietly for the answer.  Trust your compass.  It will guide you.

It was raining that day that I thought of this.  I stopped and observed the raindrops outside the glass window.  I noticed how the droplets would fall on the ground and splash on the cars.  It was a very Buddhist moment.  If you can create moments like these, you will be able to meditate on your inner compass and get to where you would like to be.

Namaste.

Creative Block?

Every civilization comes up with a system, true and tried, that becomes the prescription for living.  So everybody just follows, thus, losing the creative drive.  If you want to fit in, you follow the way of society.

Here are some suggestions to unblock the creative:

--You can get ideas when you are observing, seeing, feeling the moment.  For example, today I was observing the rain drops outside the glass window.  I was waiting for the rain to stop, so I could leave the place.  I was just watching the rain.

--Making art is not about ability or talent or achievement.  It's about expression, reflection, discernment and use of the senses.

--If there's any purpose to art, it is to be in the moment and to connect with your inner world.

--What is the feeling, impression that you like about what is in front of you?...and then keep the answer with you to guide your art.

--Art is not about fitting in or what to do with your life.

--Look at other artworks to get inspired.

--Art is about authenticity.

--Art has to do with trusting your inner compass.

--Art or learning is about how you do it your way, rather than how others do it.

--Focus on working on a small area of the art and notice how much work gets into the creating of art.

--Don't rush!  It will take some time to arrive at your destination, but it will be worth the wait.

--Stop and reflect for 20 minutes.  Walk or look out the window or look at the sky or the rain.  Feel your inner compass and ask yourself if you are in the "right" direction, but don't ask if it is perfect.

--Change your vocabulary.  Do you like it?  Rather than thinking of achieving a masterpiece.


Art can be a learning process.  When I paint, I notice how the brush creates feelings and images, by accident or on purpose.  The color can express a certain idea or feeling.  Even the mistakes lead you to a new idea.  I feel that when I create, all of a sudden the canvass comes to life!  The bigger the challenge, the bigger the value of what you learn from hurdling it.

Light Therapy

Whenever I feel down or depressed or stressed out or confused, I use light therapy to get me up again and right back on track.  The basic and most powerful source of light is sunshine.  So take advantage of the days when the sun is shining so brightly.  Light therapy is very powerful.  Do it for a few days, maybe three days, and just sit and enjoy the sunshine.  Know that it is working on your consciousness.  Notice how the sunlight floods the room or how it's reflected on any surface.  And feel the warmth of the sun.  If there is no sunlight, you can use a light bulb preferrably from a spotlight lamp.  Just focus on light for the next few days and bask in its warmth.  Light has been proven scientifically to have a positive effect on a person's mood.  What actually happens is that when the focus of the mind is on light, our thoughts start to shift to the positive.  Just sit quietly and meditate on the sun or any light.  Feel it's effect.  This is a great way to focus on something bright.  And when you do this, the negative thoughts weaken.  But if you do light therapy constantly, the negative thoughts eventually disappear.  And what you'll experience is peace, well being and satisfaction in whatever is in front of you.  What happened to me was... I was able to get to that place where my real self resides, and what a glorious feeling that is to experience it.  I feel authentic finally.

The Pain of Trying to Achieve

If you are not happy with how life is treating you, I have one suggestion.

Find something that you can do or have as a means to explore.  Think of playing or experimenting, instead of achieving.  Look at it as discovery instead of achievement.  Wanting so much to achieve can be painful, if you are not in the right frame of mind.  But when you do something for the love of it or simply to see what happens when you do this or do that, you get a different feeling.  It's just easier and you feel overjoyed by what you discover or what you learn about your work or life in general.  Life can change for the better just because you tweaked your mind to think in a different way.

Take art, for example.  With this new mind, I don't get stuck when I want to create a painting.  Without the pressure to achieve a masterpiece, painting is no longer painful.  I just sketch a little bit and then wait until something creative happens.  The canvass comes to life all of a sudden, because I'm trying out how this color works or how the way I hold the brush works...just having fun with experimenting.  An impression of something starts to build.  I stop and look at it from a small distance and ideas start to flow.  This time, I ask myself what I like about it...not if it's perfect.  So many things I can do now with the creative process.  What a relief.

This mental freedom requires psychological conditioning, but it's so worth it because, like I said, the door to your imagination opens up.

No Matter Where You Are in Life

No matter where you are or no matter what stage you are at, life is teaching you something about life.

I have been unemployed for a long time...and it is a hard pill to swallow.  It seems like I have no identity unless I have a job.  But after a while, I realized that life was painting a different picture for me.  I used to wake up to the thought that my life was over...that I had nothing...that I was no good.  But having learned about mindfulness in the past, I started to reflect on the situation. There's no train to catch.  Now what?

After examining my thoughts and feelings surrounding the new life I was given, I started to notice things I didn't pay attention to when I was working.  When I was working, I was always rushing and worried about bills, deadlines, job performance, getting a raise, never having enough time for everything I thought I had to do and always afraid of what people would think of me if I made a mistake or if I failed in something.

But now, I have time to prepare breakfast mindfully and sit down at the table thinking only about what's in front of me.  I am learning something new...like being in school, in a different school.  I would go to the kitchen and I notice what a good kitchen it is.  I would look out and see the hustle and bustle outside the window.  I noticed that was good...no problem here.  While eating breakfast, I feel that the nourishment was preparing me for the day. Life is teaching me something precious, which I wouldn't have learned otherwise, if I had a 9 to 5 job.

This new school is teaching me that life is better, in a way, when you are mindful and not rushing so much, afraid of being late or failing.  I have at lot less money, but that's good because I am learning new and wonderful ways of spending and satisfying myself...making do with what I have.  Now, that's a different place from thinking you do not have enough.  There is no problem.  Only the truth to be learned.  I am happy with anticipation of creating a different reality for me that is sweet and dare I say...blessed.

Whatever life is teaching you at a particular moment or experience, don't take it forgranted.  Listen, observe, contemplate.  It's giving you the key that will unlock your potential and your happiness.

The Negative Mind

The mind is usually full of negative thoughts, because as human beings, we tend to pay attention to the negative thoughts or situation, rather than on the positive.  We put so much importance on a negative situation, and minimize what's positive or even healthy for us,  We don't focus on the positive because we have been conditioned to minimize the value of a sunny day, a nice short walk, warm gloves, cozy pajamas or heat from the radiator.  We have been conditioned to think that what's important are things that make us look successful or look good in the eyes of others.

What are negative thoughts?  These are thoughts that make you suffer.  Any time you are thinking any of the following thoughts, your mind is on the negative:

For example:

• It shouldn't be raining.
• My shoes are too tight.
• Nobody loves me.
• I need to be loved by someone.
• I need to feel important.

Thoughts like these cause discomfort and sometimes illnesses.  If you have a back ache or any body ache, for sure you are focusing on a negative thought.   They also cause problems in relationships, because you cannot really connect positively if you are in pain.  Negative thoughts cause physical and mental pain, so be aware, because it may not be obvious to you what the that thought is.

My 2015 Plan

Hello dear friends, I wish all of you a very Happy and Healthy New Year.

I just want to share with you some of my New Year's resolutions.  Basically, I want to keep it simple for 2015...no big projects or ideas of success.  I think these will be doable.

• I'll try not to be a robot.

•  When I fold my clothes after washing, I want to notice the collars and the sleeves and the hem.

• I want to appreciate Art by:
• maybe going to galleries
• surfing art blogs
• listening to artists being interviewed

•  I want to be different, authentic

• I want to practice "building"...whether it be muscles, character, a business, or a cake; setting a good foundation to make whatever it is...strong

• I want to appreciate the simple things during the cold weather, such as:
• a very warm scarf
• a heater that is steaming
• the sun shining so brightly in the living room
• Japanese Art

May 2015 run smoothly; may there be less bumps on the road; may we all find beauty and happiness from the simple things in life.