The Self Has No Color

Little children, by nature, are fearless creatures.  They are not afraid to swing on the monkey bars or just talk to another boy or girl who just happened to be there. But as they grow up and assimilate in society, they lose that sense of fearlessness.  They start believing in the crowd instead of their true selves.  There are many ways that this child in us can get lost.  Severe trauma, heartbreak, rejection, hardship, abuse, neglect, domination are some of the reasons we lose our sense of security and we start to doubt our sense of judgement.  As a consequence, we start separating ourselves.  We act like strangers in this world, while everybody else seems like they are on the same page.  That's what we perceive.  We start finding it hard to connect internally and outwardly, and then many of us find ourselves trying hard to fit in, looking for that one person who will love us -- as if it were our only salvation.

As adults, we start to look for reasons why we cannot assimilate.  Is it because of the color of my skin?  Is it my accent?  Is it my height?  Is it the way I speak?  Is it the way I dress?  Is it the kind of job I have?  Is it the size of my house?  Is it the kind of car I drive?  Is it my culture?  Is it my education?  Is it how much money I have or don't have?  Is it about what I want to do?

My job as a life coach is to help you find that lost child, which I call the Self.  You can go back internally and work little by little to recover your equilibrium and bearing and give life to this inner Self again...the Self that has no color or shape.  This Self is your source of dignity and pride.  It exists inside you and is your connection to your Source and is Love.  This is the Self that knows what flavor of ice-cream you love the best!

Can Society Make You Happy?

It's so tempting to want to be accepted, especially by someone you admire or look up to, like a beautiful person or a person with an important job or someone who you think is tres cool.  I notice that when I feel this way, I don't like myself.  I see myself as inferior and I want to think of ways to make myself more attractive to others.  I wish I had a nice job so others will be impressed and look at me with approval and find me worthy of their company.  I think of ways to improve myself because I have to be good.

I have a cousin who is tall and smart and sort of an elite.  When she is nice to me, I feel fantastic.  So I ask myself...why can't I feel fantastic anyway, with or without her approval.  I guess that deep down I must be believing that I'm not good enough unless she pays attention to me even for just one minute.  So I dress a certain way and talk a certain way.  This gives me status, which I prize so much I guess, because I see how important those people are, in a class of their own.  And that's what I want for myself, if I have to admit it, because I think that that would make me finally a happy person.

Life, though, is difficult from that perspective, which is that I'm not good enough just by being my ordinary self, flawed at that because that's what human beings are.  The struggle for me is to know deeply that I am a good person, and that I'm good enough no matter what.  And anyone who does not love me is just mistaken.  That's okay too, because people are simply imperfect human beings.  I don't need to be wealthy and beautiful and smart to be a good person.  There are no requirements except that I've been born.

I know it's hard to be our own person because we want to be accepted by society.  Who wants to be an outcast?  Not me.  But when I really think about it, it is better for me to be alone if that's the price I pay to be just myself...no strings attached.  Reality is always better than the ideal.  If you strive for the ideal, you will get depressed.  It's better to be just you because you can never be like another person.  We're all different no matter how hard we try to be like someone else.

Being "Good"

There is no requirement for being "good" or a "good person."  It's only required that you are a breathing, living human being, that you have life, that you are God's creation.  You don't have to look a certain way or speak this way or that way.  You don't have to do so many things to make your life worth living.  Your mere existence is good enough for life.  You don't have to prove you did good.  You don't have to redeem yourself in this world.  Your only job, if there is any, is to realize your worth and your value simply because you are a person.  This is your birthright.  What other people think about you is their business.  Your business is your Self.

You don't need to be wealthy or fashionable just to feel good about yourself.  The reason we have to occupy ourselves with projects, events, activities, work, recreation is because we want to feel good about ourselves.  We want to accomplish, succeed, solve problems, because we feel worthless-- that's the problem.  Bad experiences cause us conclude that we are not liked, not welcomed, not good enough.  We erect monuments and fly to the moon so we can feel great about ourselves.

Until we feel worthy of our existence, just by being born, then nothing we do or have will give us lasting contentment.  Once we realize our value and worth as human beings, then we can live according to what we like, what we are passionate about.  We can trust our decisions and our judgements.  We can do this because there is no pain and suffering.  Then we can truly follow our hearts, listen to that voice within and live an authentic lives.

You shouldn't be doing things just to make yourself feel good about yourself.  Because you already are good no matter what, that's what I'm trying to say.  Even if you think your mother doesn't love you, you are still goooood.

I'm a Late Bloomer in Life

I was exhilarated at finally realizing that my destiny is uniquely mine, and my purpose is as unique as my thumbprint, different from those of other human beings.  I understand that now.  I cannot possibly live the life of the majority or the chosen exactly as it is.  Fitting in seems so silly now.

The journey to the truth regarding my Self is a mysterious one.  Along the way I found golden nuggets of truth about love, responsibility, work, possibilities, desires, propensities, confidence, freedom, liberation, etc...that still shake me to my core.  I relish the moments of realizations with great satisfaction.  Life is a process and a work in progress.  I welcome the unknown parts of me, until such time when the truth is revealed.  I look forward to the journey with great anticipation...until the end of time.  This is my work.

--Pauline's thoughts on another milestone

Misbeliefs

You've spent your life accumulating evidence to prove that what you (subconsciously) believe about yourself is true. Things like, "I'm not loveable", "I'm not good enough", "I don't matter", etc, etc, etc. Now, CONSCIOUSLY focus on the abundant evidence in your life that demonstrates who you really are - compassionate, loving, kind, lovable, etc, etc, etc. You've created your life out of misbeliefs. There's no shame or guilt associated with that, because it's not bad or wrong. You've just believed things that aren't true, and there's plenty of evidence in your life to prove what is true. Just shift your focus. 

--from The Work of Byron Katie

Exposing our Love

Our outer urgings are a product of our environment, of our influences, and of one's ego. This is what creates thoughts and makes them go unquestioned. The fallacy of this is in how life is lived and how everything seems to be as it appears. The ego creates this and it blocks our ability to love, this is what causes our internal battle. But if our thoughts were questioned and the mind stopped long enough to see this fallacy, our inner essence of love would be exposed as our intuitive essence. This would stop the tug-of-war with our ego and the unquestioned thoughts would never cause us to battle ourselves again.

---author:  a friend of mine and Byron Katie

Re-wiring the Brain

Rewiring the brain, to be more positive, is like programming.  Here are some steps that have worked for me:

1.  Feeding the brain with new data, such as positive thoughts and positive images.  Think of anything good or something positive...like a nice conversation you had or think of your role model or think of your dog or cat that you love so much or your favorite yogurt.

2.  Repetition is the key to successful rewiring.  Keep thinking positive thoughts, images, people or events that make you happy, no matter how small.  Interior design makes me happy so I like looking at pictures in magazines, such as Architectural Digest or Better Homes.  I keep looking at the images and imagine how I can make my own place look like that...at some point in my life.  It makes me happy.  Repeat the images and thoughts in your head throughout the day and everyday.  Remind yourself about a good thing at least three times a day or more.

3.  Observation is also key.  To do this, try to be in the present.  Be aware...of your body, surroundings, the atmosphere, objects in front of you.  Then ask yourself how you feel at the moment.  Do you feel good or bad?  If so, why?  What's bothering you?  Are your shoes too tight?  Are you thinking about your weight or money or your job?  Or what are you liking at the moment?  Do you like what you're wearing today?  Do you like the weather?  The answers to these questions are called "data."  You need this information to know where you're at and what you can do about it.  Look in the mirror and ask yourself what you see and what you feel.  That's information you can use to make a plan of action to transform your life.

4.  Tweaking or Fine Tuning your strategy to make your day or your life more positive.  It's like when an artist is carving an object of art.  The artist makes a general shape and then chips at it until it's just right for him or her.  And then finally, he/she polishes it.  We can do the same when we re-program our brains.  Maybe this week, you just need to look at the small things you want to accomplish...like the basics...like building a solid foundation to build on later.

5.  Mastering the Basics.  To build anything, you need a foundation, and a strong one.  The basics of life are the foundation of life.  Just think of the basics, like sleep, health, hygiene, order, education, budgeting, leisure, fun, laughter, etc.  Of course you don't want to be a perfectionist and always think of balance.  Master the basics and you will learn so much about yourself.  When I decided to pay attention to my bedroom, I sat on my bed and just looked at the walls.  I realized I wanted to paint it something else.  Then I looked inside my closet.  I was just browsing, and in the process, found things I could throw away to make space.  And I also found things buried that now I can use.  I paced myself.  I did one corner of the room at a time.  When I got tired, I would stop, even if I weren't finished looking through everything, or cleaning this part.  What I learned was that my room was an important place.  And I learned to value my things because I got to know them.  So it's worth taking care of them.  Lessons like these are the building blocks for happiness and success.

Eventually, after doing this rewiring for a period of time, you will encounter a series of aha! moments...glimpses of the truth.  And then good things start to happen and life becomes so much easier and fun.