Relationships and Jobs: Dealing with Heartbreak and Loss

To lose someone, such as a partner for example, or something such as a job for example, can be a very painful experience, mentally and emotionally.  You may even break down completely.  But fear not, I've learned that this is just life's way of waking us up.  This loss or break-up is actually an opportunity -- to understand life and ourselves on a deeper level, consciously.  We will go very deep and so some core work is required.  Because the truth is that we are okay at the core.  There is nothing wrong with us at the core.  Loss and heartbreak are actually important turning points for us, if we can only believe it.  The bottom line is that you are feeling very bad about your Self.  In these moments of hurting, we can begin to take inventory of the thoughts we have about our Self.  What are those thoughts?  How do you see yourself in the moment of loss and heartbreak?  Write it down, and begin questioning.  Ask your Self, the one who is the Knower in you:  Is it true, this thought?  Do I have proof?  Could it be that I am just confused...looking for a reason for the loss?  If you never really felt that good about yourself in the first place, chances are you will start pointing the finger at yourself or others.  Because you don't like yourself in the first place, with or without the person or thing.  That's evidence.

So ask yourself:  Who are you at the core?  How do you feel about your Self, at the core?  Once you become aware of this person in you, the one who likes ice-cream, for example, you will automatically fall in love with your Self.  Your true Self is the one that is independent and integral, not dependent on the outside for fulfillment, validation, and completion.  There is The Work of Byron Katie that uses inquiry to clear the mind.  According to Byron Katie, it is possible to end suffering by questioning every untrue belief that you are believing.  Some beliefs are obvious.  So you can easily question them.  But some are deep in the subconscious.  That requires a lot more detective work.  But once you find clues to your deep seated beliefs, you are on your way to handcuffing the culprits...those beliefs.  You can work on them, question them, and then you can be finally free of their power over you.  Because you will discover, when doing inquiry, that even the smallest thought, like "my shoes are too tight" or "I don't like rain because it's messy" are not absolutely true when you do this reality check.

If you know your Self very well, it will be intact, still independent -- after the loss.  You can move on easily and heal.  Without an independent Self, the Self can shatter or detach when overwhelmed by heartbreak or loss.  This break-up or loss can send you reeling from the pain and isolation over and over, non-stop.  But you can dive into the deepest part of your soul and find that part of you that was lost or never recognized or shattered or detached.  It's time to address this Self.  By questioning your negative beliefs -- such as "I am not good enough," "Life is hard," "I need someone to complete me," etc. -- you can have breathing space, plan your next move, make contact with your inner world...  because it is about your existence in a place deep inside.

If you don't know what's bothering you deep inside, the mind will continue to cause pain and suffering.  And you will carry those same negative thoughts to your next relationship or work, or experience  -- because you didn't do the work.  This does require some amount of work and time.  It doesn't happen overnight, but the outcome will be lasting and permanent.  Life will change dramatically, and you will be pleased beyond belief.

Life will always give us opportunities to go deeper -- to become conscious and awake.  That is how we can truly experience the real beauty of life.  You can awaken to your essence and make all your relationships and work meaningful and rewarding.  This requires all of us to take a good look at how we see ourselves and the world and how we make assumptions about us, our lives, and our experiences.

Byron Katie said:  "It's not what happens that causes us suffering.  It's our thoughts about what happens that causes suffering."