My 2015 Plan

Hello dear friends, I wish all of you a very Happy and Healthy New Year.

I just want to share with you some of my New Year's resolutions.  Basically, I want to keep it simple for 2015...no big projects or ideas of success.  I think these will be doable.

• I'll try not to be a robot.

•  When I fold my clothes after washing, I want to notice the collars and the sleeves and the hem.

• I want to appreciate Art by:
• maybe going to galleries
• surfing art blogs
• listening to artists being interviewed

•  I want to be different, authentic

• I want to practice "building"...whether it be muscles, character, a business, or a cake; setting a good foundation to make whatever it is...strong

• I want to appreciate the simple things during the cold weather, such as:
• a very warm scarf
• a heater that is steaming
• the sun shining so brightly in the living room
• Japanese Art

May 2015 run smoothly; may there be less bumps on the road; may we all find beauty and happiness from the simple things in life.

Benefits of a Quiet Mind

The best way for me to clear the mind is to question our thinking.  If you have a thought about a situation that is making you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself if the thought is true and if the thought is absolutely true.  Go to thework.com to learn about inquiry from my teacher, Byron Katie.

The benefits of a Quiet Mind are:

• you can remain calm even if there's a stressful situation
• you can be present in the moment
• you can enjoy the moment
• you can focus on the now
• your relationships will be healthier
• your communication will be clearer and authentic
• you can solve problems objectively
• you can be creative

Finding Yourself

You can't be happy until you can be yourself, alone or with others.  To find the real you, do inquiry.  Question your thoughts and beliefs.  The thought could be as simple as "my shoes are tight," "it shouldn't rain."  Or, it could be more intense, such as "people should love me," or "people should like me," or "I should know."  When you think about it, these thoughts or beliefs are quite unrealistic and untrue.  You can't really control people, much less the weather -- so why should you expect cooperation from them?  One by one, question those thoughts that make you suffer.  Then the real you will emerge from a clear mind.  No more baggage.  You'll know it's the real you because it feels good when you express authentically, and you'll be able to enjoy meditation.  This is happiness.

Finding the Moment of Awareness

Finding the Moment is a great exercise to create awareness to the self and allows you to be present instead of focusing on the past or future.  The present is the here and now.  This moment is precious.

Wherever you are right now, focus on your breath and be still for just a moment.  Find your moment and then...

Ask yourself...in this order...in this moment

1.  Where am I?  Then look around you for a moment and notice your surrounding and feel the ground beneath your feet.  Are you in the kitchen, in bed, in the lobby, on the train?

2.  What am I doing?  Sitting? Standing?  Lying down?  Hear the quietness.

3.  What do I notice?  Ex. the sound of the radiator, the humming of the birds, the noise outside, people talking, stacks of paper, etc.  Just take it all in, while remaining still.

4.  How do I feel in this moment?  Notice if you are comfortable or not.  Are you worried about something?  Are you stressed?  Do you feel good?  .... in this moment, in the stillness...

5.  What can I be thankful for in this moment, in this stillness?  Thank you that the heater is giving heat?  Thank you for my warm sweater?  Thank you for the softness of the sheets?  Thank you for my tablet?  Thank you for the money in my wallet...I can buy things with it?  Think of anything at this moment.

This exercise will help slow down the thought process and make you aware of things you otherwise would not notice if you were being robotic or in a rush or chasing after something.  This is also a good way to relax and to stop and take it all in, for a moment.

Namaste.

"Should" Overload

Depression is the result of what I call a SHOULD overload in the brain.  When the mind is overloaded with should statements, the person's system shuts down and the person, thus, can no longer function.

SHOULD statements:
1.  I should be loved.
2.  I should be liked.
3.  I should be successful.
4.  I should have lots of friends.
5.  I should have a man/woman.
6.  I should have more money.
7.  I should look good.
8.  I should be a good person.
9.  I should be perfect.
10. I should do everything right.
11. I should be healthy.
12. ETC.

WHAT TO DO:  Understand the SHOULD statements in your mind by QUESTIONING them one by one.

Is it true that I have to be loved?  Maybe I should love me first before I require others to love me.  Maybe it's not their job to love me.  Why do I need to be loved?  Answer those questions honestly and deeply.  Meditate on the questions.  Write it down.

The Work of Byron Katie has 4 basic questions you can use to do inquiry...best done by writing thoughts and feelings on paper and meditating.

Example:  I SHOULD BE LOVED (by others).

Question 1:  Is it true that YOU SHOULD BE LOVED be others?  yes/no
Question 2:  Are you absolutely sure it is true, that YOU SHOULD BE LOVED by others?  yes/no
Question 3:  How do you react when you believe the thought YOU SHOULD BE LOVED by others?  describe your feelings
Question 4:  Who would you be without the thought YOU SHOULD BE LOVED by others?  imagine that you don't believe the thought

Then turn the statement around to the opposite - I should NOT be loved by others.
then give 3 examples of why that might be true.

Sample of 3 examples of why "I should NOT be loved by others" can be true:
--I should love myself first.
--No one can love perfectly, really.
--Other people might be having difficulties in life that we don't know about.

Do the questioning process for all your should statements so that one by one they will dissolve into thin air.  It will be like a burden is lifted off your shoulders.

Namaste.

Leveraging What You Already Have

In T.D. Jakes' best-selling book Instinct, he talks about heightened awareness of our instinctive pre-wiring.  He says that by changing our inner world we then change our outer world.

Inspired by this book, I made a list of things we already have...our powers, so to speak, that were given to us when we came into this world.  They are:

Reasoning Power
Awareness
Reflection
Thinking
Analysis
Imagination
Expression
Change
Intelligence
Problem-Solving
Creativity
Learning Ability
Growing
Wisdom
Desiring

We were given all these resources or qualities or abilities..., in order that we may negotiate our way through life.  Leverage these resources.  Don't take them foregranted.  They are there at your disposal!

Your Therapist's Style

I have had several therapists since the late 1990s.  I realize now how differently each one of them approached the science of therapy.  Their methods were so far apart.  So get to know, as much as possible, what your therapist's attitude is about therapy.  I had a therapist who hardly spoke back to me.  I realized now that she believed, as I did then, that therapy was just a means to "express" your thoughts and feelings...a way to unload.  On rare occasions, when she felt compelled, she would say something back to me.  I also had a therapist who would act up if I would complain about being depressed.  At first, I thought it was odd and unfair.  I noticed that she was happy when we were just chatting about books or family events.  I realize now that it was her way of helping me get "socialized,"  -- learning how to "chat" with people.  And she never wanted me to focus on the negative, so she kind of kicked my ass when I would start to whine.  It seemed cruel, but I get her point now.  My current therapist is a trauma specialist, so I make sure I take advantage of that fact.  I understand how she usually connects my worries today with my childhood "traumas," and I learn so much from that perspective.  Therapy only works if you know how to take advantage of your sessions.  Know what makes your therapist tic!