The Self Has No Color

Little children, by nature, are fearless creatures.  They are not afraid to swing on the monkey bars or just talk to another boy or girl who just happened to be there. But as they grow up and assimilate in society, they lose that sense of fearlessness.  They start believing in the crowd instead of their true selves.  There are many ways that this child in us can get lost.  Severe trauma, heartbreak, rejection, hardship, abuse, neglect, domination are some of the reasons we lose our sense of security and we start to doubt our sense of judgement.  As a consequence, we start separating ourselves.  We act like strangers in this world, while everybody else seems like they are on the same page.  That's what we perceive.  We start finding it hard to connect internally and outwardly, and then many of us find ourselves trying hard to fit in, looking for that one person who will love us -- as if it were our only salvation.

As adults, we start to look for reasons why we cannot assimilate.  Is it because of the color of my skin?  Is it my accent?  Is it my height?  Is it the way I speak?  Is it the way I dress?  Is it the kind of job I have?  Is it the size of my house?  Is it the kind of car I drive?  Is it my culture?  Is it my education?  Is it how much money I have or don't have?  Is it about what I want to do?

My job as a life coach is to help you find that lost child, which I call the Self.  You can go back internally and work little by little to recover your equilibrium and bearing and give life to this inner Self again...the Self that has no color or shape.  This Self is your source of dignity and pride.  It exists inside you and is your connection to your Source and is Love.  This is the Self that knows what flavor of ice-cream you love the best!

Can Society Make You Happy?

It's so tempting to want to be accepted, especially by someone you admire or look up to, like a beautiful person or a person with an important job or someone who you think is tres cool.  I notice that when I feel this way, I don't like myself.  I see myself as inferior and I want to think of ways to make myself more attractive to others.  I wish I had a nice job so others will be impressed and look at me with approval and find me worthy of their company.  I think of ways to improve myself because I have to be good.

I have a cousin who is tall and smart and sort of an elite.  When she is nice to me, I feel fantastic.  So I ask myself...why can't I feel fantastic anyway, with or without her approval.  I guess that deep down I must be believing that I'm not good enough unless she pays attention to me even for just one minute.  So I dress a certain way and talk a certain way.  This gives me status, which I prize so much I guess, because I see how important those people are, in a class of their own.  And that's what I want for myself, if I have to admit it, because I think that that would make me finally a happy person.

Life, though, is difficult from that perspective, which is that I'm not good enough just by being my ordinary self, flawed at that because that's what human beings are.  The struggle for me is to know deeply that I am a good person, and that I'm good enough no matter what.  And anyone who does not love me is just mistaken.  That's okay too, because people are simply imperfect human beings.  I don't need to be wealthy and beautiful and smart to be a good person.  There are no requirements except that I've been born.

I know it's hard to be our own person because we want to be accepted by society.  Who wants to be an outcast?  Not me.  But when I really think about it, it is better for me to be alone if that's the price I pay to be just myself...no strings attached.  Reality is always better than the ideal.  If you strive for the ideal, you will get depressed.  It's better to be just you because you can never be like another person.  We're all different no matter how hard we try to be like someone else.

Being "Good"

There is no requirement for being "good" or a "good person."  It's only required that you are a breathing, living human being, that you have life, that you are God's creation.  You don't have to look a certain way or speak this way or that way.  You don't have to do so many things to make your life worth living.  Your mere existence is good enough for life.  You don't have to prove you did good.  You don't have to redeem yourself in this world.  Your only job, if there is any, is to realize your worth and your value simply because you are a person.  This is your birthright.  What other people think about you is their business.  Your business is your Self.

You don't need to be wealthy or fashionable just to feel good about yourself.  The reason we have to occupy ourselves with projects, events, activities, work, recreation is because we want to feel good about ourselves.  We want to accomplish, succeed, solve problems, because we feel worthless-- that's the problem.  Bad experiences cause us conclude that we are not liked, not welcomed, not good enough.  We erect monuments and fly to the moon so we can feel great about ourselves.

Until we feel worthy of our existence, just by being born, then nothing we do or have will give us lasting contentment.  Once we realize our value and worth as human beings, then we can live according to what we like, what we are passionate about.  We can trust our decisions and our judgements.  We can do this because there is no pain and suffering.  Then we can truly follow our hearts, listen to that voice within and live an authentic lives.

You shouldn't be doing things just to make yourself feel good about yourself.  Because you already are good no matter what, that's what I'm trying to say.  Even if you think your mother doesn't love you, you are still goooood.