Talking About Depression

When my Mom told me that David Letterman was going to be on Oprah's network, I was somewhat interested.  But when he said that David Letterman admitted to Oprah that he was depressed, I got really very interested.  I told my Mom that I was glad Letterman will say he is depressed on television, because I knew people would listen to him and believe him.  I always had a problem talking about depression to others, even to my family and my therapist, because they always made me feel that it was something I can "will" to go away, just by forcing on a smile, or going to the gym.  The truth is that when your at the throes of a very bad depression, you cannot just will it away.  You feel like you're all tied up with a rope around your body and you are gagged.  If that's how you feel, it's really hard to depend on just your will. 

So I patiently went to my psychiatrist once a month, and waited until we found the right medication that would work for me, that did not have any serious side effects.  The process to find the right medication may take a long time, up to 6-8 months (for me) because you have to try different brands in different dosages.  Each time you try on a new drug or a new dosage of the drug, you have to wait 1-2 months for the drug to kick in; and if the drug or dosage didn't work, you have to try again and wait another 1-2 months.

I tried lexapro at different dosages, and then remeron.  Finally, the combination of remeron and celexa worked, with no side effects.  The medication helped me to get up from bed, take walks, exercise, write on my journal, do housework, watch TV, talk to people. 

Finding the right medication that works for you is a great opportunity to do self-help.  Once I felt better because of the medication, I explored different types of self-help.  I read books by Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer.  But then I discovered The Work of Byron Katie, which is a tool to inquire and question our thinking that causes us to suffer.  I try to do it everyday.  The Work is so freeing that you can really feel a great sense of well being and peace, once you've done the questioning.  Google "Byron Katie" and go to her website to learn more about the basic 4 questions she uses to do self-inquiry.  Because of all the self-help that I did, I was able to really grow to appreciate my therapist.  I began to understand her approach to therapy.  I got it, and I realize now how right she is.  Basically, she keeps me grounded in reality, because I often argue with reality and expect life to be something that it's not.