Finding the Moment of Awareness

Finding the Moment is a great exercise to create awareness to the self and allows you to be present instead of focusing on the past or future.  The present is the here and now.  This moment is precious.

Wherever you are right now, focus on your breath and be still for just a moment.  Find your moment and then...

Ask yourself...in this order...in this moment

1.  Where am I?  Then look around you for a moment and notice your surrounding and feel the ground beneath your feet.  Are you in the kitchen, in bed, in the lobby, on the train?

2.  What am I doing?  Sitting? Standing?  Lying down?  Hear the quietness.

3.  What do I notice?  Ex. the sound of the radiator, the humming of the birds, the noise outside, people talking, stacks of paper, etc.  Just take it all in, while remaining still.

4.  How do I feel in this moment?  Notice if you are comfortable or not.  Are you worried about something?  Are you stressed?  Do you feel good?  .... in this moment, in the stillness...

5.  What can I be thankful for in this moment, in this stillness?  Thank you that the heater is giving heat?  Thank you for my warm sweater?  Thank you for the softness of the sheets?  Thank you for my tablet?  Thank you for the money in my wallet...I can buy things with it?  Think of anything at this moment.

This exercise will help slow down the thought process and make you aware of things you otherwise would not notice if you were being robotic or in a rush or chasing after something.  This is also a good way to relax and to stop and take it all in, for a moment.

Namaste.

"Should" Overload

Depression is the result of what I call a SHOULD overload in the brain.  When the mind is overloaded with should statements, the person's system shuts down and the person, thus, can no longer function.

SHOULD statements:
1.  I should be loved.
2.  I should be liked.
3.  I should be successful.
4.  I should have lots of friends.
5.  I should have a man/woman.
6.  I should have more money.
7.  I should look good.
8.  I should be a good person.
9.  I should be perfect.
10. I should do everything right.
11. I should be healthy.
12. ETC.

WHAT TO DO:  Understand the SHOULD statements in your mind by QUESTIONING them one by one.

Is it true that I have to be loved?  Maybe I should love me first before I require others to love me.  Maybe it's not their job to love me.  Why do I need to be loved?  Answer those questions honestly and deeply.  Meditate on the questions.  Write it down.

The Work of Byron Katie has 4 basic questions you can use to do inquiry...best done by writing thoughts and feelings on paper and meditating.

Example:  I SHOULD BE LOVED (by others).

Question 1:  Is it true that YOU SHOULD BE LOVED be others?  yes/no
Question 2:  Are you absolutely sure it is true, that YOU SHOULD BE LOVED by others?  yes/no
Question 3:  How do you react when you believe the thought YOU SHOULD BE LOVED by others?  describe your feelings
Question 4:  Who would you be without the thought YOU SHOULD BE LOVED by others?  imagine that you don't believe the thought

Then turn the statement around to the opposite - I should NOT be loved by others.
then give 3 examples of why that might be true.

Sample of 3 examples of why "I should NOT be loved by others" can be true:
--I should love myself first.
--No one can love perfectly, really.
--Other people might be having difficulties in life that we don't know about.

Do the questioning process for all your should statements so that one by one they will dissolve into thin air.  It will be like a burden is lifted off your shoulders.

Namaste.

Leveraging What You Already Have

In T.D. Jakes' best-selling book Instinct, he talks about heightened awareness of our instinctive pre-wiring.  He says that by changing our inner world we then change our outer world.

Inspired by this book, I made a list of things we already have...our powers, so to speak, that were given to us when we came into this world.  They are:

Reasoning Power
Awareness
Reflection
Thinking
Analysis
Imagination
Expression
Change
Intelligence
Problem-Solving
Creativity
Learning Ability
Growing
Wisdom
Desiring

We were given all these resources or qualities or abilities..., in order that we may negotiate our way through life.  Leverage these resources.  Don't take them foregranted.  They are there at your disposal!

Your Therapist's Style

I have had several therapists since the late 1990s.  I realize now how differently each one of them approached the science of therapy.  Their methods were so far apart.  So get to know, as much as possible, what your therapist's attitude is about therapy.  I had a therapist who hardly spoke back to me.  I realized now that she believed, as I did then, that therapy was just a means to "express" your thoughts and feelings...a way to unload.  On rare occasions, when she felt compelled, she would say something back to me.  I also had a therapist who would act up if I would complain about being depressed.  At first, I thought it was odd and unfair.  I noticed that she was happy when we were just chatting about books or family events.  I realize now that it was her way of helping me get "socialized,"  -- learning how to "chat" with people.  And she never wanted me to focus on the negative, so she kind of kicked my ass when I would start to whine.  It seemed cruel, but I get her point now.  My current therapist is a trauma specialist, so I make sure I take advantage of that fact.  I understand how she usually connects my worries today with my childhood "traumas," and I learn so much from that perspective.  Therapy only works if you know how to take advantage of your sessions.  Know what makes your therapist tic!

Therapy Works from Both Sides of the Coin

Therapy works well if you consider both sides.  It's not just about your story, but the story of the person you are in a relationship with.  If you complain about someone, whether it's a family member, a friend, or a colleague, or even a stranger, you obviously will tell your side of the story.  But the therapist can help you better, if you also give the other person's side of the story.  In most cases, people hurt other people, not on purpose, but because 1) that's the only communication style they know, 2) they misunderstood you, 3) they don't trust other people's intentions, 4) they're very sensitive, etc.  I know people who are very direct when they speak.  They may sound stern and insensitive, but they just don't want to sugarcoat things.  There are also others who always think they are being manipulated.  So they take offense easily with any small thing.  And there are those who are victims of their own upbringing.  They act that way with everybody, so you cannot take them personally.  All this have to be considered by the therapist, so the therapist can make a truth-based analysis of your situation.  If you don't consider the human condition of others, you may be hurting for no good reason.  Help the therapist help you by giving both sides of the story.  For example, if you talk to your therapist about your mother, how she neglected you...don't forget to tell her that she bought you a car when you needed one.

Unemployment and Thinking Outside the Box

If you find yourself unemployed these days, look at it as an opportunity to think outside the box.  All our working lives, we live as slaves of the corporation.  We're afraid of being fired, or we get disgruntled because we are paid so little.  So if you are unemployed right now, rejoice!  It forces you to think outside the box.  Give up the old ways of thinking.  Look around you, observe, brainstorm about ways to make money.  Evaluate your budget.  Do you really need so much money?  If you don't have the latest gadget, are you afraid you will be rejected by your peers?  Are you free?  A lot of our fears are fears of rejection that put us in a box.  Break out of that box.  Think of all the fears that keep you inside the box.  Break out of the box!  Society can reject you for being different or poor, but you can bear it.  In exchange for that rejection is your freedom.  Are you afraid of being homeless?  Are you afraid of begging?  When I lost my job, I felt like my life was over.  I felt like I lost my identity, because my job gave me my self-worth.  But I learned to budget and penny pinch.  I discovered a new joy from being with very little money, but I have my mind for thinking and my heart for creativity. I began to notice my surroundings.  I used to ignore the trees and the flowers.  I used to ignore how much money I already had, compared to nothing.  And I discovered that there's no such thing as nothing.  There is everything in my life...I just didn't focus on them because my mind was focused on my lack.  I was always thinking that I lacked this, I lacked that.  And I ignored what I already had, and how much worth it had.  I found enjoyment from a simple sandwich for lunch...two slices of whole wheat bread and cheese, but being in peace.  I found enjoyment in just sitting outside with a cup of coffee and being with my thoughts.  I began to understand where I invested my time and effort.  My values changed.  I learned to value the "small" things in life.  Now, I value being able to wake up in the morning.  I value my intelligence and creativity because I can discover how to live an authentic life, instead of life in a box.

Where is the Real You?

We always want to know what the trend is, so we are not left behind.  Society tells us that our only purpose is to win and be successful, according to the norm.  Oftentimes, we confuse what society wants with what we want for ourselves.  We're afraid to not be like the others.  We cannot find our own voice in the midst of all the other voices -- our teachers', our friends', our parents', our colleagues', the media's, etc.  T.D. Jakes tells us to follow our gut in order to be connected to our true self.  Eckhart Tolle tells us to learn to be conscious at all times.  Byron Katie teaches us to question our thinking.  These are many ways that can help us find the real you, so that you can feel at ease, so you are living an authentic life.  Living an authentic life brings so much peace and happiness and limitless joy.  The real you is there, at your core, in your center.  Find it and discover that everything you really want, you already have.  It's not out there, it's in here.  Don't be afraid of being with your self.  Your self is your true guide.  You will find God there.