Leveraging What You Already Have

In T.D. Jakes' best-selling book Instinct, he talks about heightened awareness of our instinctive pre-wiring.  He says that by changing our inner world we then change our outer world.

Inspired by this book, I made a list of things we already have...our powers, so to speak, that were given to us when we came into this world.  They are:

Reasoning Power
Awareness
Reflection
Thinking
Analysis
Imagination
Expression
Change
Intelligence
Problem-Solving
Creativity
Learning Ability
Growing
Wisdom
Desiring

We were given all these resources or qualities or abilities..., in order that we may negotiate our way through life.  Leverage these resources.  Don't take them foregranted.  They are there at your disposal!

Your Therapist's Style

I have had several therapists since the late 1990s.  I realize now how differently each one of them approached the science of therapy.  Their methods were so far apart.  So get to know, as much as possible, what your therapist's attitude is about therapy.  I had a therapist who hardly spoke back to me.  I realized now that she believed, as I did then, that therapy was just a means to "express" your thoughts and feelings...a way to unload.  On rare occasions, when she felt compelled, she would say something back to me.  I also had a therapist who would act up if I would complain about being depressed.  At first, I thought it was odd and unfair.  I noticed that she was happy when we were just chatting about books or family events.  I realize now that it was her way of helping me get "socialized,"  -- learning how to "chat" with people.  And she never wanted me to focus on the negative, so she kind of kicked my ass when I would start to whine.  It seemed cruel, but I get her point now.  My current therapist is a trauma specialist, so I make sure I take advantage of that fact.  I understand how she usually connects my worries today with my childhood "traumas," and I learn so much from that perspective.  Therapy only works if you know how to take advantage of your sessions.  Know what makes your therapist tic!

Therapy Works from Both Sides of the Coin

Therapy works well if you consider both sides.  It's not just about your story, but the story of the person you are in a relationship with.  If you complain about someone, whether it's a family member, a friend, or a colleague, or even a stranger, you obviously will tell your side of the story.  But the therapist can help you better, if you also give the other person's side of the story.  In most cases, people hurt other people, not on purpose, but because 1) that's the only communication style they know, 2) they misunderstood you, 3) they don't trust other people's intentions, 4) they're very sensitive, etc.  I know people who are very direct when they speak.  They may sound stern and insensitive, but they just don't want to sugarcoat things.  There are also others who always think they are being manipulated.  So they take offense easily with any small thing.  And there are those who are victims of their own upbringing.  They act that way with everybody, so you cannot take them personally.  All this have to be considered by the therapist, so the therapist can make a truth-based analysis of your situation.  If you don't consider the human condition of others, you may be hurting for no good reason.  Help the therapist help you by giving both sides of the story.  For example, if you talk to your therapist about your mother, how she neglected you...don't forget to tell her that she bought you a car when you needed one.

Unemployment and Thinking Outside the Box

If you find yourself unemployed these days, look at it as an opportunity to think outside the box.  All our working lives, we live as slaves of the corporation.  We're afraid of being fired, or we get disgruntled because we are paid so little.  So if you are unemployed right now, rejoice!  It forces you to think outside the box.  Give up the old ways of thinking.  Look around you, observe, brainstorm about ways to make money.  Evaluate your budget.  Do you really need so much money?  If you don't have the latest gadget, are you afraid you will be rejected by your peers?  Are you free?  A lot of our fears are fears of rejection that put us in a box.  Break out of that box.  Think of all the fears that keep you inside the box.  Break out of the box!  Society can reject you for being different or poor, but you can bear it.  In exchange for that rejection is your freedom.  Are you afraid of being homeless?  Are you afraid of begging?  When I lost my job, I felt like my life was over.  I felt like I lost my identity, because my job gave me my self-worth.  But I learned to budget and penny pinch.  I discovered a new joy from being with very little money, but I have my mind for thinking and my heart for creativity. I began to notice my surroundings.  I used to ignore the trees and the flowers.  I used to ignore how much money I already had, compared to nothing.  And I discovered that there's no such thing as nothing.  There is everything in my life...I just didn't focus on them because my mind was focused on my lack.  I was always thinking that I lacked this, I lacked that.  And I ignored what I already had, and how much worth it had.  I found enjoyment from a simple sandwich for lunch...two slices of whole wheat bread and cheese, but being in peace.  I found enjoyment in just sitting outside with a cup of coffee and being with my thoughts.  I began to understand where I invested my time and effort.  My values changed.  I learned to value the "small" things in life.  Now, I value being able to wake up in the morning.  I value my intelligence and creativity because I can discover how to live an authentic life, instead of life in a box.

Where is the Real You?

We always want to know what the trend is, so we are not left behind.  Society tells us that our only purpose is to win and be successful, according to the norm.  Oftentimes, we confuse what society wants with what we want for ourselves.  We're afraid to not be like the others.  We cannot find our own voice in the midst of all the other voices -- our teachers', our friends', our parents', our colleagues', the media's, etc.  T.D. Jakes tells us to follow our gut in order to be connected to our true self.  Eckhart Tolle tells us to learn to be conscious at all times.  Byron Katie teaches us to question our thinking.  These are many ways that can help us find the real you, so that you can feel at ease, so you are living an authentic life.  Living an authentic life brings so much peace and happiness and limitless joy.  The real you is there, at your core, in your center.  Find it and discover that everything you really want, you already have.  It's not out there, it's in here.  Don't be afraid of being with your self.  Your self is your true guide.  You will find God there.

The Subconscious

My premise is that there's a place down deep inside where we know everything we need to know about life.  Whatever we're looking for is inside us.  We just need to unlock the door to our inner self, tune in to our inner voice, and access our subconscious.  Our goal is to find that inner guide, to get in touch with that deep part of ourselves that knows everything.

The way to tap into the subconscious is to be aware of your mental pain or sense of "unease."  Go to every nook and cranny of your subconscious.  Every time you feel mental pain or unease, stop for a moment and pay attention to the feelings and thoughts.  Get to know what is making you suffer, what is bothering you, no matter how subtle the feeling.  Use your pain as a source of information. Everything and anything you feel, think or believe is information.  Knowledge is power.  Who knows you better than any other person on earth?  The answer is:  you.  You are the experiencer.  You only need to trust yourself and connect with your inner self.

Some common subconscious beliefs are:
-I'm not good enough
-Nobody loves me
-Life is difficult
-I need to be loved

I used to have these thoughts that always made me feel uncomfortable, separate from others, like an outsider.  But eventually, I realized that I was holding on to these beliefs without questioning their validity.  I realized that those negative beliefs were absolutely not true.  I only believed them because I believed the stories from the news, from TV, from movies, from magazines.  Of course I don't need to be good enough for others.  And once I stopped believing those thoughts, I found out that life was easy, not difficult.

Once the subconscious is unlocked, cravings will go away, aches and pains will disappear, our health will be better and we will feel an "easing up" and a sense of clarity in our thoughts, and lightheartedness.  We may even have visions.  It will be easy to let go and we can desire with ease.

Being Authentic

Being authentic can be hard for some of us, because the voice of the inner critic is so strong, telling you that others are better than you.  When you look up to someone because he or she looks so "together," what happens to your authenticity?  These are some reactions that we have when we think others are better than us:
We copy other people's ways, cultures, standards (we lack originality)
We're too hard on ourselves (perfectionistic)
We don't allow ourselves to make mistakes
We always feel that others are judging us -- being too self-conscious
We compare ourselves to others, always
We don't allow ourselves to be different, therefore, creativity is stifled
We have to prove to others that we are good (needing validation)
We need to feel important, in order to measure up
We cannot explore or expand, for fear of ridicule
We fear exclusion
We cannot fail, for fear of rejection
We need the approval of others, to know we're right

If you want to be authentic, notice how you feel.  Stop every now and then and notice.  If you don't feel good, stop.  Identify the feeling.  Ask questions.  Clarify.

Be aware of the moment.  Do this throughout the day.  Feel the experience.  What's good about it, what's bad about it?  What blessings are you receiving right now?  Identify your feelings and desires at the moment.

Awareness will guide you and point you to the solutions.  Connect with your inner being and notice how slowly but surely, you are becoming aware of who you really are.